Stitch Fix #2 Reveal - It's a good one!

I love checking out pinterest and peruse everyone's fixes.  These women have some beautiful fix reveals.  The photography and background is gorgeous, their fix ALWAYS fits well.. it is pretty amazing that a stranger that has never laid eyes on someone can choose clothing for someone else! 

Before we get started, what is stitch fix?

Stitch fix is a personal shopping experience where you pay $20 for a stylist to send you 5 different item that he or she (yes there are men stylists with Stitch Fix!) sends you, you try them out and you either buy or send back!  If you purchase one item, that $20 stylist fee actually goes towards the item so what do you have to lose?  If you purchase all 5 items, you get a 25% discount on everything plus the stylist fee is discounted from your total.  You can schedule fixes or you can manually request them -- so you can get them as often or infrequently as you want -- no minimum requirements ever.

How does your stylist know what to send you?

First you fill out a long profile asking about sizes and your needs -- casual, dresses, office wear -- and you fill out questions about what you would like to see in your fix -- bottoms (skirts, shorts, pants, dresses), tops (tanks, long sleeves, sweaters etc), outerwear including jackets and vests, shoes, accessories including jewelry and bags.  You also get to choose how much on their range that you want to spend for each category.  You also get to write your stylist a note -- do you have a special occasion coming up?  Need a new pair of jeans or a blazer?  You write that write in your message.  Mine says all casual items with natural machine washable fibers.  What can I say? I am a mom and need simplicity in my life.  And finally, you can link your pinterest board to your profile so your stylist can see what you would like to see sent to you. In fact, every single item I have in my fix was pinned (or something similar) on my pinterest Stitch Fix Inspirations Board.

If you choose to try out this personal stylist service, please consider clicking a link so that I can get a referral credit -- and if you like it, your friends can sign up and you can get a referral credit too! 

My Stitch Fix referral link

So without further ado, here is my amazing fix.  I have to admit, I cheated and peeked when I saw it was on the way... I knew immediately I would like everything except maybe the chambray shirt but I started thinking about ways to style this piece, it might just be a 5/5!!

Their trademark beautiful packaging with a sneak peak to your beautiful new duds.

The personal note from your stylist as to why they chose the items they did and they also recommend mixing items from the current fix or previous fixes to style these items together.  I have only gotten tops, so they aren't able to recommend an entire outfit yet for me.

Item number one I tried on was this gorgeous tank. I was so excited for this one.  I had pinned it but I wasn't sure how it would look.  The fit is so flattering on my less than perfect (okay let's be honest, totally squishy belly!)  Verdict KEEP!

I absolutely love this tank and I chose to style it with a pair of capris and sperry casual shoes.  This is a great outfit for me to wear to Disney and I think it is casual enough for disney, but I can still look stylish for photos!

I adore the print on this top!

 

Next up, I tried the next top I was very excited about.  This mixed fabric top looked promising.  It is loose on the front side.  It is casual yet chic at the same time.  Except the fit... It is a terrible fit on me.  The back looks super cute.  The front is too short and it just leaves me looking boxy.  Leaves nothing to be desired for sure!  Verdict -- SEND BACK FAST! 

I really wanted to like this.  I thought the idea was so cute... But this is why we try the styling service.  You don't like it, you send it back! 

But the back is so darn cute!

The materials are beautiful.

Next up is this gorgeous lace top.  Another one that I pinned this exact top on.  I love this top but I could have used a bigger size.  It is also a bit delicate for me to wear around kids and since we don't do fancy dates, I just think this would sit in the closet with the tags still on it.  Although the shirt is so blissfully soft, the lace is delicate.  Verdict -- RETURN

 It is an okay fit -- the length is long enough, seems okay in the chest, but could use more fabric in the midsection for me.  Would look great on another woman, its just 'okay' on me though.

Hugs me in all of the wrong places.

Close up of the lace detail

The chambray shirt -- When I saw it on the peek, I thought "No Way!!" but that is the beauty of this.  I tried this top on and and I didn't hate it.  I think I would need to size up.  I think I did okay styling it, but it wouldn't get a lot of love in my closet.  The material of this is ... like heaven. I cannot even explain how soft this material is... It is like clouds surrounding you.  It is amazing and I am really picky about fabrics.  Verdict - RETURN

Couldn't decide if I was thin enough to do it belted, so I tried it belted and unbelted.

Close up of fabric/print

Finally, this dolman was what I consider my do-over for the last dolman. I love the way dolmans look but the last one just wasn't working for me.  My chest took up all of the extra fabric and it was no longer a dolman. This one, I had pinned on my board and it has this band that will work now and when I lose 20 lbs.  The band hides that squishy belly so well. I was unsure if it was too tight or if the fit was good, but upon posting a photo on the B/S/T group, apparently, I am just really critical on myself and I should keep this top!  It is super soft and feels wonderful.  

So what do you think?  Do you think Chelsea knocked it out of the park?  She had a lot of my rules she needed to follow and she followed every single one.  Just because the fit is off, does not mean she didn't do a great job!  I think she did fantastic.  I wish all of this looked wonderful on me, but even when I choose my own stuff off of the shelf, I don't pick things that fit every single time (or even half of the time! LOL)

Also, today was my Ipsy delivery too!  What is ipsy? It is a $10 a month beauty bag delivery service.  They send you a cute bag filled with full sized beauty goodies.  This month was a fun one.  The bag alone makes me smile monthly but I have gotten many really wonderful products in this little bag.  My favorite was a hair product that was full sized and it costs $18 at kohl's to purchase this one item and yet I got that and 4 other products plus a cute bag-- all for $10!

If you want to check out Ipsy, I do get points for you joining! So please use my referral code if you are interested!  Ipsy Referral Code

That is it for now! I still need to post a step-by-step packing of the 5 coolers of 2,000 ounce of breast milk that went to the preemies milk bank 2 weeks ago. I already have 5 more sitting in my garage for next week too!  It's crazy how quickly that milk stacks up.  I also got the most darling photos of Ms. A in the last week.  One of her and her daddy before Valentines where he declared that she is his, forever.  Of course she is.  She will always have a Valentine in her mummy and daddy!  Also, I got one today of her smiling this gorgeous smile.  She truly is darling but I feel like it was so long ago that I delivered her.. it almost doesn't seem real anymore.  Such a beautiful thing -- surrogacy!  <3

Answering questions is something I love to do!

Back in November 2014, I said that anyone could leave an anonymous comment about any questions they might have and I would be happy to answer them.  Recently, with the Stitch Fix post, I had recently joined a Stitch Fix B/S/T group and shared my story with those ladies.  There was a lot of interest about surrogacy in that group and anyone that knows me, knows I love to educate about the process!

With that, I got a comment today from one of those lovely ladies and I would love to answer Anna's questions! So hello Anna and thank you for asking questions that I am sure everyone else would love to see answered!


Here is Anna's original post:

Hi! I found you through a stitch fix group where you posted your blog :) I would love to know how your husband and kids felt about it! Having just had my second I know a pregnancy (temporarily) changes the dynamic for the whole family and is a sacrifice by us all! They must be very supportive...but what were some of the questions you answered to your kids about it? Also how did you emotionally prepare for giving away the baby that you had carried and nurtured for 9 months? I'm not trying to be negative by any means that is just a huge sacrifice and a huge gift to this couple. I can only imagine how hard it was--or was it something you were prepared for since that is the whole premise of this process? Also did you create the birth plan that you wanted or did your couple have a say in it? If they had wanted you to do a c section but you wanted a natural birth who gets to say what happens? I suppose all this is worked out in the contract. I have started at the beginning and am excited to read through your whole blog--thank you for sharing so people like me can learn more about the amazing journey of surrogacy!




My husband met me when I already had a nearly 2 year old and I was in the process of being a surrogate with my first couple.  I told him "This is a dream of mine, like it, love it, or leave it!"  He chose to love it and me.  But this isn't typical.  Surrogates should have complete support from their significant other/spouse because IF things get bad, that is their main support.  It is bad enough when something goes bad in your own pregnancy, but when you add the element of another couple to the dynamics of a pregnancy, you are adding a lot more emotions and feelings as well.  It can be exhausting trying to balance life in general but also having to cultivate a relationship and consider everything on both sides can be draining.    We fortunately had a pretty text book surrogacy -- physically and emotionally.  My husband is a Marine (but you already know that!)  We have moved 6 times in 6 years and with that, many of my dreams of careers have been crushed.  I have always dreamed of becoming a nurse.  This hasn't been able to happen due to not having enough time at any duty station to complete a program so because I have followed him everywhere, he supports me in my dreams and surrogacy was one of them.  He was a huge support!  HUGE.  He did everything for me.  Rubbed my back and feet when they hurt.  Talked me through situations and gave me the best advice or sometimes just listened.  There were times I was cranky, or I couldn't sleep.  There were periods of time where I had to have pelvic rest or to be completely candid, had no interest in any relations.  Surrogacy is not for the faint of heart -- for anyone.  Even husbands.  But he took it all in stride and was just really supportive about everything.

My kids were really wonderful through it.  Leah was my little side kick.  She was the only one that ever felt Baby A move.  She would come over and talk to my belly.  She was really in tune with the whole pregnancy.  She is 8.  She also loved L because L is very stylish and gorgeous so Leah connected to her right away. She always wanted to buy little gifts for the baby and the parents when we would go shopping but she new it was more like a 'cousin' to her and not one of our babies unlike her little sister.  Weston is 5 and many times, he saw that it was a burden at times.  When E&L were here in September, it happened to be the weekend of the Richmond Nascar Race.  Weston wanted to go to the race, but we had plans with E&L.  He said "Mom, can't you just give the baby to them already so we can go to the race?" So he understood how this baby would come out and go home with someone else but he also knew that sometimes, this baby made mama crabby and he didn't like that.  Piper knew there was a baby in my belly.  She was the least aware of how it would play out though. She had never experienced a baby coming home with us so I am not sure that she anticipated the baby coming home with us either.  But now, she is aware of how baby A fits in all of this.  When I pump, she still asks me if I am pumping for Baby Aggy.  Also, the other day we were looking through my phone for photos of cinderella and I had a lot of photos of Aggy in my phone.  Piper looked at the photos and said "I love baby Aggy.  I want to hug her.  She's my best friend."  It broke my heart and made it soar all at the same time.  So they have been great but this is hard on them too!

The emotional preparation to 'give away' the baby as you stated was not hard.  Surrogates usually phrase it as "giving the baby back".  It is like babysitting-- you love the child, you want the child to be safe, but you are okay when mom and dad come at the end of the day to take the baby home!  It was not hard for me to separate myself from the baby one bit.  actually it is surreal to think I grew this baby under my heart and yet I have not one little iota of maternal instinct or feelings towards her.  The hardest transition was going from being pregnant and talked to often by the IPs to being updated occasionally. I think most surrogates would say that they miss the close relationship with their IPs more than they miss the baby. 


The birth plan was kind of a long process and it was really in depth for us.  Some surrogates get to call all of the shots with their birthing plan and the parents get to make the decisions once the baby was born.  But I have always held the premise that "This is OUR story".  That included the birth and the birth plan.  My doula sent me and the IPs a questionnaire and we uploaded it to a google doc.  From there, we all tweaked answers to our satisfaction and the doula put the birth plan together.  Of course the plan is just a list of wishes and anything could change at any moment, but we were all happy with what we would like to see.  As for if the surrogate and IPs don't agree on medical interventions, that CAN be addressed in the contract and you should only match with those that agree with your ideals of delivery. I have recently seen that a set of IPs are requesting a surrogate that would consent to a scheduled C-Section from the beginning.  I would not be an ideal candidate for that couple so I would not match with them. If someone changes their mind about their wishes, then it is usually deferred to medical advice.  The doctor gets to make the ultimate decision and there is room in a contract for a second opinion should someone require one.


I hope that answered all of your questions Anna!  IF anyone else has any questions, feel free to post them anonymously!  I will answer them honestly and I promise to not get offended with any questions.

Also, Anna -- feel free to find me in that group and PM me if you have anymore questions or just want to chat about surrogacy in general. I can talk about surrogacy until I bore people -- Really, I can!! 

Video from the entire process & Crying Doula's Birth Story!

I made this little video to show photos from the entire journey. I am no master at making videos but I did what I could!  The first song just sounds perfect for our journey.  We counted on each other the entire time and we were such a great team!  It is certainly bittersweet that the journey is over now, but I am so happy to have taken the path to get here.  Surrogacy is a very life enriching journey for everyone involved!

Here is Crying Doula's version of birth. One of the things she didn't add in there was about our quiet time in the bathroom. I found myself in the bathroom about every 10 minutes during the birth.  This is where we had our most private conversations and she checked in on how I was doing emotionally and physically where I didn't have to hide my thoughts from anyone.  Having a doula is an amazing thing.  Having a doula for the surrogacy was necessary for me.  Gaining a friend out of it... priceless!!

The Birth of Baby Teacup from the Perspective of “The Crying Doula”

In September of 2015 I received a few notifications on Facebook where I was mentioned as a referral for a local woman looking for an “excellent doula” for a “unique situation” with availability near Christmas.  I gave it some thought and decided that if I felt a good connection, I would be willing to be available at Christmas for a special birth.  Fortunately, when I reached out, I met Melanie.  As all of you know as her friend or even just getting to know her through the blog—she is an incredible, selfless, and strong woman—and agreeing to support her during Baby Teacup’s birth was an easy decision.  When she shared with me that she was a gestational surrogate I was nervous as I knew very little about surrogacy but honored at the same time to be able to support such an incredible woman and gain knowledge about surrogacy in the process.  The excitement got even sweeter when I read her blog and got to know L&E through her beautiful words.

 Melanie and I had a few prenatal meetings where we got to know one another, discussed her birth preferences, and she taught me Surrogacy 101.  What I found was that not only was Melanie an amazing client but became such a dear friend which is always a blessing in the military world.  I also enjoyed getting to know L&E through email as we all worked together to create a birth preference plan which encompassed Melanie’s birthing wishes and L&E’s wishes for Teacup.  Birth plans are sometimes controversial in the hospital birth world as birth is unpredictable and sometimes doctors and nurses can view these well-intentioned plans as rigid lists that set birthing women up for disappointment when or if things don’t go as she has put into writing.  That being said, with the uniqueness of Baby Teacup’s birth, having a flexible birth preference plan in place made the most sense to ensure Melanie, L&E, myself, and all of the care providers had an idea about the vision L&E had for the birth of their daughter and for Melanie’s care during her birth.

             

As the end of November/beginning of December approached Melanie and I shared some phone calls that will forever be some of my favorite memories!  It appeared Baby Teacup was eager to join this world but it was hard to tell just when that would be.  I had the opportunity to hang out with Melanie in triage for a bit for an assessment which gave me a nice peek inside the labor and delivery wing the hospital that she would deliver, which is gorgeous!  We also met an amazingly kind nurse that night that left a lasting impression on me through her gentle and compassionate care of Melanie.  Melanie and I also spent a lot of time discussing when to have L&E travel in and it was a hard decision for Melanie to contemplate and one that she did not make lightly for fear that she would give them the “go ahead” and Teacup would settle herself back into her cozy environment. Fortunately, when she gave them the “go ahead” it wasn’t much longer before Baby Teacup would join this world.

            

 On December 14^th Team Teacup had a beautiful brunch together to meet one another and snap some fun photos, as you saw previously on the blog.  This was a great way to put faces to names and really ensure everyone was ready to work together to support both Melanie and L&E as Baby Teacup entered the world.  We also had a lot of fun watching E chase Piper around the neighborhood and park and I think it gave L a tiny glimpse of her future.  It was a sweet moment.  We parted ways with plans to get together later in the week for tea in Old Town Alexandria.

              

As luck would have it, Melanie knows her body and Baby Teacup was showing signs at Melanie’s doctor’s appointment on the 16^th that she was ready.  Melanie could now feel comfortable knowing she had called L&E at just the right time to travel in and have a bit of time to get settled before the journey ahead.  Melanie messaged me that morning that they were sending her to labor and delivery and with that I put my kiddos on the bus and headed her way. 

When I arrived everyone was in good spirits! L&E had run home to gather their belongings, Melanie was getting settled and comfortable in her beautiful birthing environment, and Kurt was helping set her up with love and encouragement.  I was eager to know the plan and excited that the nurse and doctor(s) that were caring for Melanie really were interested in the birth plan and were ready to ensure both Melanie and L&E felt supported in welcoming Baby Teacup.  Melanie was calm, collected, and her usual cheery self, making everyone laugh with her wit and humor!  

The morning and afternoon progressed rather easily and light-heartedly as we laughed, talked about life, and stories of how quickly Melanie’s other births were.  We all anticipated Teacup would arrive before dinner.  Melanie had a steady flow of care providers and hospital staff coming through to check on her, make sure all of the plans for both Melanie and L&E were in place, and at one point the baby nurses were even jokingly “fighting” about who would call dibs on being a part of this amazing experience.  It was all in great fun.  As Melanie and I had already had big plans to get pedicures that day, in true doula fashion, I whipped out some nail polish and prepared those toes for the big day!  I don’t think the doctors or nurses had ever seen a patient so easy-going, laid-back, or comfortable during her labor as to be in such a great, laughing mood and enjoy a pedicure during the experience.  Melanie had promised Nurse Sanchez she would be delivering Baby Teacup prior to shift change so the team was ready and excited.

As evening approached, shift change came and went, and hunger set in, things got a bit more serious.  Melanie was still her sweet and happy-self, of course, but she was ready to hand Teacup over to her loving parents so she could enjoy a nice juicy steak, baked potato with all the fixin’s, and maybe some broccoli.  Nurse Monica thought broccoli might be too gassy which made us laugh even more as we debated which dish Melanie should order from Outback Takeout because most certainly Teacup would be here before they closed.  We somehow began taking bets on how big Miss Teacup would be since she decided her grand entrance was necessary three weeks early…little did we know, Nurse Monica means business when it comes to winning bets! She got out some paper, a pen, and recorded everyone’s guesses with a right to change her guess since she was the nurse!  This is how the early evening went, light-hearted, easy, and so much laughter…but as late evening approached the discomfort began to really set-in.  (Melanie adding this -- None of us guessed that teacup would be as big as she was either!  We were all in the lower 7-8 lb range)

Melanie had been quite active throughout the labor experience getting up and down to use the restroom often, stretching and standing, lunging and rocking throughout the day.  As things became more uncomfortable in her lower back and pelvis Melanie had a sneaking suspicion that Baby Teacup just might be positioned posteriorly but the midwife neither confirmed nor denied this and said to just keep moving and stay positive.  Intuition sure is a powerful thing!  So we got the birth ball out and Melanie kept moving, rocking, swaying…I asked if counter-pressure would help and we tried that with no relief.  She asked if I would try the double hip squeeze and voila!  That was what her body needed.  I have tried this with several other women and she was the first to find it helpful and necessary.  Once this began she absolutely needed that pressure and relief the hip squeeze provides to cope through her contractions.  She began getting quite shakey, nauseous, and even lightly pushy so we though with certainty that transition was here and got L&E ready…but it was just not the case yet.  At this point Melanie had been in labor for over 16 hours, had only water, popsicles, and jello for nourishment, and had very little sleep the night before so it was normal to expect that she was exhausted but at the same time, she was determined and ready to work hard to bring Teacup into the world.  We got the diffuser going, beautiful music going, dim lights, and talked quietly and gently as Julie pushed one hip and I pushed the other and Melanie breathed beautifully through each contraction.

 

After several hours of coping but really feeling exhausted after so much energy and hard work Melanie made the decision to ask for an epidural.  We had discussed during her prenatal visits that epidurals can be wonderful tools to assist in relaxation and progression when exhaustion sets in and she was certain Teacup would make a speedy grand entrance so we didn’t focus much attention on epidurals but we knew that this was something Melanie was open to should a need arise.  When Melanie decided she wanted the epidural I, like I do with every client, wanted to make sure that she was confident in the decision and there was nothing else she wanted to try before calling the doctor in.  Melanie is extremely educated about birth so I had no doubt that she was making the best decision and I quickly got Nurse Monica to find the anesthesiologist.  Unfortunately, I don’t think he had ever seen a double hip squeeze before and I certainly couldn’t stop them so I squeezed during every contraction right up until he administered the medication.   He was patient and understanding but of course my hands were dangerously close to his “work space” so I understood his hesitation.  All in all though, he, like most of the other staff, was very willing to accommodate Melanie’s needs for comfort.  I didn’t tell Melanie but inside I was JUST a bit nervous as this was the first epidural I had witnessed.  I have had two epidurals and several spinal taps so I am not unfamiliar with the process but generally speaking my clients either have to be alone in the room with the staff as support or have their significant other as their plus one during this experience so I felt both honored to be part of yet another educational opportunity and experience and nervous that I wouldn’t know exactly how to support Melanie best during the procedure.  Fortunately, it went as planned and Melanie, like always, was amazingly strong during the entire thing.  Unfortunately, once the medication began to set in, only one side of Melanie’s body was numbing up.  I continued hip squeezes and encouraged Melanie to rest between contractions.

            

 Right around 4am Melanie told me she was feeling the urge to push and asked if I could get her nurse quickly (as we know when it’s time for Melanie, it is time!) and she came in and checked and I gently reminded her of the section of the birth plan that says not to speak the forbidden words (hint hint: labor down) so with that they said “okay, then let’s see what you got…” and said “whoa, wait, get everyone in here!” so I hurried and texted L&E and Julie and told them it’s REALLY TIME and to hurry! I got Melanie’s (dead—haha!) right leg and Nurse Monica got the other.  If it tells you anything about the mood, Nurse Monica was STILL joking about me having the “bum leg” and her having the “easy” leg at this point and while Melanie was still working incredibly hard she managed to chuckle a bit!  She is such a STRONG woman!  So, with that all of my attention focused to Melanie.  I could hear that there were a lot of people in the room but my only focus was on her.  She gave several mighty pushes then suddenly the resident froze—my heart jumped—and the next thing I know I hear “shoulder dystocia” and the nurse is pushing me to force Melanie’s leg up to what felt like her ears!  It was the first dystocia I had witnessed and after the minor little freeze up, the team moved like the experts they were and applied suprapubic pressure and sweet little Teacup was born quickly into L’s arms.  Melanie and I looked at each other with a “whoa, I don’t know if L&E realized what just happened” look but it explained so much of the discomfort Melanie was feeling.  Then, L came over and shared sweet baby Teacup’s name and hugged Melanie and I don’t think there was a dry eye in the room.  I made the mistake of “bragging” to Nurse Monica about how I have not cried at a birth (other than my own) and when the special moment came the tears just began to flow…hints the nickname, “The Crying Doula”.

 Like superwoman, Melanie recovered quickly and was back to asking for her steak and baked potatoes shortly after she was cleaned up and comfortable.  Unfortunately, Outback was indeed closed but they managed to find her a breakfast menu and she was able to order as much as her sweet heart desired.   We packed up and moved everything to the postpartum area where they had yet another generous sized room.  It didn’t take long before the amazing Melanie was up and moving around situating her things, showering and freshening up, and reflecting upon the events that had just transpired.  I left Melanie to rest while I went home and got a little sleep myself before coming up to spend some time with her later that day.  When I arrived Melanie gifted me the most beautiful essential oil diffusing necklace and balance oil.  In true Melanie fashion, she had so thoughtfully and kindly taken the time to have something so special personalized for me.  Once again, I got a little teary eyed! 

 I cannot thank Melanie and L&E enough for the honor and privilege to be part of this amazing experience.  I have learned so much about surrogacy, special birth experiences, and made an incredible friend in the process.  Melanie truly is one of the most remarkable women I have ever met.  Every decision made during the pregnancy and birth Melanie carefully considered what was best for Teacup, what L&E would like for their daughter, and last, what her feelings were in the matter.  She is always putting others first.  She is without a doubt one of the most dedicated, sincere, and genuine people I have ever met.  I know it was meant to be that we end up meeting through the birth of Baby Teacup and become forever friends through the process.  

To check out the services that Melissa offers through her business, please go to her FB page and 'like' it Anchored in Hope Facebook Page and her business website Anchored in Hope

Birth Story from IFs Point of View

This was written on 12/28 -- just over a week after Teacup was born while everyone was still here local to me.  <3

There's 3,662 miles and five time zones between London and The East Coast of The United States. On May 12th, earlier this year, that distance evaporated instantly when Melanie told us that her doctor had confirmed first heartbeat. From then on a day hasn't gone by when we haven't thought of her, and the baby she was carrying. Our baby. Teacup.

Two weeks ago L and I were in London. Teacup was due to arrive at the end of December. We were due to fly just before Christmas, and all seemed well. Then, on Thursday 10th it became clear that Teacup was getting impatient, and so, on Melanie's counsel, we dropped everything and by Sunday evening were in DC. 

Monday was quiet. Tuesday too. Then, at 8pm, a sprint to the Hospital, only for Melanie to be sent home at midnight. Back to the hospital at 8am for more tests, at which point Melanie's Doctor made the call to induce, and just like that, she was admitted, and we were on. A fortnight earlier than planned, but when it's time, it's time. Especially when it comes to babies.

Melanie's previous deliveries have been relatively straightforward. But Teacup - to borrow a phrase - was made in The U.S. from British parts, so nobody knew what would happen next.

Melanie was ready, the Hospital Team were ready, The Crying Doula and The Photographer were ready. But Teacup wasn't ready. Time went on. Afternoon became evening. Light became dark. The night shift took over from the day shift. Teacup still wasn't ready. In fact she was so not ready that her heart rate was never any higher than normal for the entire sixteen hours of Melanie's labour.

Credit for this calm goes to Melanie herself, obviously, and the FBCH Nursing Staff, but also to Melissa, our amazing - occasionally tearful - Doula, and Julie, our photographer - initially - turned assistant birthing coach by mid afternoon. These two were there for Melanie - and Teacup - all the way. Gentle, loving, experienced, and wise, they gave everything, selflessly, and L and I are truly grateful.

Then, at 4.00am, something changed. Maybe Melanie's willpower finally woke Teacup up. Maybe she decided that it was time to come out and find out out what all the fuss was about. Maybe she just wanted a cup of tea. And by 4.30 she was here. Suddenly. Not without drama. But ultimately healthy and well. Which was all that everybody in the room wanted. And all that L and I have ever wanted.

From Melanie they took Teacup directly to L. Skin on skin. Mother and daughter. Nothing more natural. Nothing more miraculous. For a split second she was the youngest person on the planet. For us she will always be the most important person in the world.

And now it's our job to take care of her. Melanie and Team Teamcup could not have been more professional, could not have shown more love. Melanie and her family could not have been more welcoming and warm. Melanie - Super Melanie as she will always be to us - could not have done something more miraculous. Now it's up to L and I to carry on the story and make all y'all proud.

The Birth Story

**One quick warning -- this IS a birth story, it is MY birth story so it is from my perspective.  There is also one single photo of the placenta- that is the only gory photo i the whole post**

To start my birth story, I have to rewind back to the week and the update the week before where my doctor didn't think I would make it to my due date then add to that, the doctor at triage thought I could be in early labor.  I gently urged E&L to come a bit earlier and they said they would come on December 20 rather than December 23 (39 Weeks).  Eventually with changes, they opted to come in on Sunday December 13.  I knew that L had work obligations so I felt bad that I was trying to get them here earlier.  I knew if they came early, we would deliver on time, but if they chose to come at 39 weeks, surely we would deliver early.

On Monday December 14, we had a brunch with Team Teacup and took the fun photos that were in the other blog post.  The next day, was a horrible day that consisted of a ton of running.  I went to have lunch in Fredericksburg with my godmother and others and they were to bring me my breast pump that they were working on a bag for and also a case of oranges I had delivered.  They forgot both of these items.  I woke up that morning just feeling off with a terrible headache and it didn't let up all day.  My blood pressure was high, but no higher than at other appointments so I just brushed it off.  I got back home with my toddler and decided to drive down to my godmother's to get my stuff but also decided to take Piper there to spend a few days because I just had this feeling that teacup would be coming soon.  I packed up her bag, got back on the road and drove down there only to turn around and quickly drive back home to get my other kids off of the bus.  By the time I got halfway home, I realized I had forgotten her carseat in my truck and had to turn around and go back and meet my godfather halfway to his house to give the carseat.  I had driven 7 hours by the time I got home.  By this point I was utterly exhausted and my head was pounding.  When I got home, my blood pressure was 120/99 with one cuff and 136/96 with another which is astronomically high for me.  My normal is 90/60 or close to that.  I decided I needed to go over to triage to get checked out because I was feeling awful.

E&L decided to meet me there and they sat in the room with me while getting examined and monitored.  At this time, I was still 3cm and contracting but my BP was high on the monitor as well.  I just felt flat out awful.  The doctor came in and said she would speak with her department head as she thought inducing that night was best.  I honestly did not want to induce that night because I could not imagine contractions and pushing with that bad of a headache.

At this time E&L brought up an issue with photography and we sorted that out.  I guess the laws are different in the UK as to how contracts by photographers are written but we needed to know in advance how we all wanted to see the photographer's work play out.  They respected my desire to be able to tell my story through the eyes of my wonderful friend and photographer Julie, but did not want any photos taken of their baby by her.  So the entire labor was photographed, but the moments where Baby A were born, there are no photos -- she did resume capturing my story after the delivery too.  So when looking through the photos I post, you will understand why the moments the parents met their daughter for the first time are not posted.

The doctor came back in and actually told me to go home and rest, and to go to my OB appointment the next morning at 8 to be reevaluated by my own doctor.  So with that, we went home and got there around midnight only to wake up early the next morning to head for an appointment.  E&L met me there as well.  When I got to the doctor, my BP was again very high for me.  Dr. J asked me to undress to do a cervical exam and she would be going to make a phone call.  When she came back, she said I would be heading for L&D after my appointment to be induced and to grab my bag from the car on the way up.  So it was real.  That day would be the day we would be welcoming teacup into the world.  For the exam I was still 3cm but more effaced and she opted to strip my membranes to see if that would get labor started.  By the time I got my clothes back on, the cramping started immediately.  We walked out, made some quick phone calls and grabbed my bag from the car and headed to be admitted.

When we got up to the room, I changed into my laboring clothes -- a plain black soft skirt and a fun printed nursing tank.  Let's get this show started.  I assured everyone that I would be an easy patient and that my last pitocin labor was just 5 hours from the start of pitocin to the delivery of my baby so I would make this easy for them.  The nurse, Inez came in and seemed to be a fit for the team and the corpsmen all came in to be introduced to us.  E&L took this time to leave and go to their house, pick up stuff and go to the grocery store to grab snacks.  The on call doctor came in and again checked me and said that I was now 4cm and he again stripped my membranes.  Fabulous, this would go easy as the membrane stripping was already working and I had come to this deck already contracting.  Technically, by 8:30am, labor had already started as I was contracting every 5-7 minutes!  It took hours to get the order for pitocin but  I knew I wouldn't need much anyway.  I had only had a yogurt for breakfast because I was not expecting to deliver that morning but since it was so early, I knew I would be in the mother/baby unit by dinner time, maybe even lunch time and would get some food there!

By 12, the pitocin was started and we were on our way.  Though the contractions were regular, they were not hurting.  But again, they didn't hurt but for 45 minutes for Piper's delivery either.  I was happy, smiling and cruising right through labor.  My amazing doula popped out some nail polish and painted my toes to get them push ready for teacup's big debut.  We were supposed to be getting pedicures instead of having a baby that day, so she still treated me to some polish! By 5, my doctor came from clinic and she checked on me after I had pitocin for 5 hours and I was... still a 4.  She said maybe even still a 3 but I was more effaced at least -- progress is progress. L would ask the doctors checking when I was going to dilate more and seemed a little disappointed each time I was checked that I had not progressed any. (No way I was feeling any less defeated than her though lol)  I knew that I go from 5 to 10 in 45 minutes so I tried not to be upset about it.  We opted to have my water broken at this point to see if it would settle her down a little lower and closer to the cervix to help with that dilation and effacement.  As the night wore on, I got a new nurse for the night shift.  Her name was Monica and she was just the energy I needed.

Much of the day E&L were in and out of the room and they mostly sat quietly in the corner observing.  They took many walks around the campus and took turns napping on the couch through out the early part of the night.  My husband popped in with the kids after school to say hi to me because they were just as much of a part of this journey as any of us.  Fortunately when they came, I was not in a lot of pain so I was able to visit with them for a few before I became irritable. It was important for them to see that I was okay and that I would be okay.

I am sure the nurses in the halls thought Weston was going to be a new big brother wearing this shirt, but the truth is, he is already an awesome big brother to his sister Piper!

"Before bump, After Skinny.  You're doing great mom!"

The two men in my life!

Love this man!

Love from the other man in my life!

Lunch came and went.  Dinner came and went.  My body was working really hard and yet I had nothing to show for it.  I was not dilating.  I was so afraid that they would start that clock and try to say I had failure to progress.  All the while, my doula and photographer were by my side, cracking me up, helping me to the bathroom with all of the equipment to be unhooked and the IV to follow.  I think it was at this point, that I started asking for steak and baked potatoes with all of the fixins.  My IPs had brought snacks in and they were sitting across the room on the counter.  Staring at me.  People were eating in the room.  I was not allowed to eat and it was making me grumpy. I had to have Melissa get my IPs to put the food away because I was beyond stabby for food at this point.  Hearing people eat (I have misophonia), was making me crazy and even worse, I was just flat out starving and my body was doing all of this hard work and I was not allowed to eat more than popcicles and jello.

See the buffet of food behind the kids?  So close yet so far away.  What a tease when I was STARVING!

At around 10, the pain started getting more serious.  It wasn't awful, but I could definitely feel pressure in my bottom and under my pubic bone.  Prior to labor, I was having pretty serious pain while at home with my lower back/pelvis and my pubic bone. It would get so intense that I would have to hold the wall or furniture to walk through the rooms.  Suddenly, this pain was intensified.

I thought for sure that with this pain and pressure, I was hitting transition.  I started feeling sick to my stomach.  Shaking. I messaged my husband at 11 and told him she would be here soon. I had not been checked, but I just knew she would be soon as the pain was incredible.  Last time, transition only lasted about 30-45 minutes and pushing was quick.  My husband came to the hospital and sat in the room for a bit.  My doula started double hip squeeze with every contraction.  The pain was unbearable.  I had a pitocin augmented natural labor in the past, but I could not handle this pain.  It was so bad that I thought my pelvis would break in half. I felt like I was being ripped open and it felt like my pubic bone was breaking.  I have never felt this kind of pain in my life.  I was not comfortable in any position. Melissa was doing the double hip squeezes no matter where I was-- walking to the bathroom, she would drop to her knees and squeeze my hips through a contraction until i could continue walking.  Even on the toilet, she was squeezing my hips.  I tried to labor for a bit on an exercise ball and nothing was giving relief.  I even tried being on my knees hugging the back of the bed.

The midwife on call that night came in and checked me and I was only 5cm. I felt like I was dying and I had only dilated about 1 cm and had been on pitocin for 12 hours and in labor for closer to 16 hours. My photographer put down her camera and started helping my doula with pain management because I was in that bad of pain and my doula definitely needed some extra hands.  This time period is a bit of a blur but I don't know where anyone else was at this time... no one was in the room with me except Julie and Melissa.  We had my oil diffuser going with Citrus Bliss in it and we were listening to Casting Crowns Christmas station on Pandora.  Even though the pain was incredible, the atmosphere with these two ladies at my side was serene.  I never felt like I lost control.  They kept my head in the game and were able to manage my pain and anxiety by talking quietly to me and just helping through each and every contraction.

My box of oils was a must to come to the hospital with me!

All of the nurses loved the citrus bliss and then the serenity that we were diffusing.

Because Kurt loves selfies and Julie had put the camera down so Kurt took over as official photographer for a bit!

I went into the bathroom with my doula and I told her that I knew I didn't want an epidural, but that it was time.  I just could not continue with this pain.  She looked at me and said "Will you regret this if you get it?" I told her I wouldn't that it was better that I get the epidural try to relax some and make progress. I was exhausted from laboring for 16 hours with no food and I just needed something as a break.  They called the nurse in and they ordered the epidural.  In the meantime, I had to ask for something for the nausea because I just felt terrible.  At around 1am (maybe a little later?), the epidural was placed.  Somehow I was able to sit through that with the pain and even while sitting up on the bed, when a terrible contraction came, my doula reach around me and squeezed my hips while the anesthesiologist was preparing my back for the procedure.  Before the doctor left, I told him I could still feel my left leg. The pain was still there and it was still unbearable.  The nurse had me lay on my left side for a while to see if the position would have the medicine drop down to that side.  It never worked.  My left leg and all of the way up, I felt absolutely everything.  My right leg was dead weight.. but I could feel from the thigh up.  I could not move that leg at all.  At this time E&L were given a room to sleep in across the hall.  My husband went home to relieve the babysitter.  Delivery was no where in sight with being only halfway dilated.

This was after the epidural and the pain was no better.

Wishing that the rest of the labor would progress so that the pain could stop.

The night nurse Monica sat in my room the entire time after the epidural.  Julie headed home for a quick nap too.  Melissa was a sport and had been 'on duty' now for 16 hours and she had been working hard.  Her work didn't stop because I was still feeling contractions.  She was still having to do the hip squeezes.  I can tell you that when she did not push, it was flat out miserable.   That squeeze technique was hard on her, but it was the only thing that made laboring bearable on me.  Around 3:30, I was still making it known that I wanted steak.  I must have mentioned steak at least 3,563 times.  Nurses would come in and say "Is there anything I can do for you?" and I would say "yeah, find me a steak!"  I got checked again and I was a 7.  Finally, some remarkable progress.  I somehow napped between two contractions at this point and got my second wind.

At 4:10, I asked to be checked again and I was complete with a small lip.  The midwife said that she was still high and I asked to not make me labor down and to give me a chance at pushing.  I knew I could push enough to lower her some.  So she asked me to give her a few small pushes.  I did and she pushed the lip to the side and Teacup's head descended nicely.  At this time, they prepared the room for delivery and we had to wake up the parents to witness the birth.  They fortunately had missed the hard part of labor and dad started walking up the hall and mom had to go find him so that he wouldn't miss his daughter being born.  It was quite ugly and probably not something that was necessary to see.  It may have tainted their view on the beauty of the situation to see me writhing in pain in bed.  Julie also strolled back in to finish up capturing my story during this time.

With minimal pushing, we realized why I had been experiencing such bad pain.  Teacup's head was born looking at the ceiling and that meant the back of her head was on my tail bone and her face was on my pubic bone.  Back labor was incredibly painful but now there was a reason for it.  At this point, her head was out and suddenly the resident looked a bit panic stricken.  She froze.  Finally, the midwife observing started talking sternly but calmly telling the doctor to rely on her training and team.  Then the room was put into action.  Teacup had shoulder dystocia which meant that one of her shoulders was stuck behing my pubic bone. Later we would find out that her she had a nuchal arm and her arm was bent with her hand up by her chin and that would be how she was born -- with her arm up causing the dystocia.  At this time, the nurse threw my knees back to the bed and I was in some kind of weird yoga position and expected to push from that position. I knew that shoulder dystocia wasn't good but I didn't have time to be panicked.  I had a job to do.  The resident did suprapubic pressure (meaning she took her hand and pushed very hard on my pubic bone while I was pushing her out to allow for a different pelvic position). With just a few more pushes, Aggy was born and put right into her mother's arms. I missed this moment because mom's back was to me so I really felt a little sad that I had worked for a year(well really 7 since my start of surrogacy) to see *that* moment and I missed it. I am not sure if E caught a photo of this moment, if there is, I haven't seen it.  But my friend and photographer respected their wishes and put the photo down as soon as Aggy was born for her privacy so we didn't get a photo of it on our end. But this story isn't all about me.  I know they were elated and happy but I wish I could have seen her face at that moment when becoming a mom became real.  The baby was a bit slow to cry as the doctor said she acted stunned.

Due to the dystocia, the NICU team was called in to make sure she was okay.  There was not time for the cord to pulsate, so E came over and cut the cord.  When he cut the cord, blood shot all over the room, straight up my bed, in my face, and on the wall behind me.  It was probably the strangest thing that has ever happened in my life.  The placenta took a bit to deliver but all was good.  I am glad the midwife was in the room to guide the resident because she would have panicked and the outcome could have been totally different.  Also, the resident really wanted to pull traction on the placenta to help it deliver but the midwife told her to be patient.  I didn't realize how serious shoulder dystocia could be until I read about it afterbirth but some of the scenarios included a horrible episiotomy, breaking the baby's collar bone to help collapse the shoulders to aid in delivery and on some occasions (though rare) it can cause death of the baby.  There were many NICU team in there and I didn't realize how many until I saw photos after the birth.  The room went from having about 11 people in it to having about 25 people in it.  Good thing these birthing suites are so spacious.  When the placenta was delivered, the doctor was checking to see if I needed stitches.  Perhaps the most amusing event in the whole labor/delivery was when the doctor (who does this every day) commented "Your vagina looks beautiful. I hope mine looks this great after having babies!"

Sorry for posting this one, but I am a birth junkie!  This is what kept baby Aggy alive and well for 9 months.  The placenta is an amazing thing!!

This image shows A's position and how the McRobert's maneuver and suprapubic pressure was performed to avoid an episotomy and/or breaking the baby's collar bone due to the arm being up close to the face.

She weighed in at 8lbs11oz and was 21inches long (I think that was her length -- I can tell you everything about my own kids but quickly forget about her stats).   Mom and dad were instantly in love.  While the baby corpsmen were cleaning her up, L came over and told me her name as it had not been announced before that moment.  She gave me a hug and we cried.  Nearly everyone in the room cried.  Hence my doula's new nick name "Crying Doula"   How could you not cry in a moment like this.  While they were getting to know their baby, I pumped for a bit and was able to get 10mL of colostrum while updating everyone on my phone.  I was also able to order some breakfast.  Labor had started at 0830 the morning before when I showed up to L&D with my membranes stripped and at this point, it was around 5:30 - 6 and I was starving.

Pumping and updating FB with the information from the birth!

Aggy's first meal!  (She got food before I did!)

Meanwhile I was up and down heading for the bathroom and my wonderful doula and Julie both were with me for every step of the way.  The IPs were on their side of the room and they were my support to help me get through the first few hours physically and emotionally.  While in the bathroom one time, Melissa was doing unsavory jobs like preparing pads and chucks for me and cleaning up the floor if I made a mess, the nurse from the day before came in to take my vitals.  She actually got snippy and told me to hurry up and use the bathroom because she needed to take my vitals before she could go see the baby.  At that moment, I truly realized my job was over and it was kind of a defeating feeling.  For MY nurse (the baby had her own) to just throw me to the side like that and treat me like a burden or road block instead of a patient, it really sucked.  I tried to be the best patient I could for everyone, not asking for things that I wanted or needed because I just don't like to bother people but since she had faced infertility and had her son through IVF in her 40s, suddenly I was just the vessel that had delivered the baby.

Once we got over the mother/baby unit, my IPs asked the nurses for a separate room but in the state of Virginia, a surrogate is treated like a birth mother and cannot sign over rights until 72 hours after birth therefore Baby Aggy had to stay in the room with me.  The nurses were excellent and gave us the biggest room on the floor -- one they usually use for training.  It was really an odd feeling going from leading role to supporting role.  I was in the bed in the room and the new happy family was on the other side of the curtain drawn between us.  It was almost like we were in a hospital as roommates.  I continued to try to pump the whole day and I just wasn't producing. It was really defeating to pump every 2 hours around the clock and not even get an ml.  I was very lucky to have a few friends visit and to have Melissa (crying doula lol) come and see me so that I could focus on really just going over my whirlwind delivery and have someone to talk to.  That night, I put ear buds in, set my alarm and listened to my night music because I had not gotten more than a 20 minute nap in 36 hours and my body had just run an ultra marathon with little to no food.  I set my alarm for 2 hours and just got up to pump for 30 minutes.  The IPs did get a second room so that they could take turns sleeping in there, but they were not able to take the baby with them so one sat with her in the room with me while the other caught up on sleep.  The next morning we were all released and able to head onto what our new normal was.

The curtain that was drawn during the hospital stay to create separate rooms.

Time to be released from the hospital!

The only time I got to hold Baby A before she went home to UK.

I think the most unexpected part is how quickly my role changed. I went from being checked on to see how I was doing to sending messages checking on them.  But I was trying not to overstep my boundaries as I was not a parent.  But I still felt the desire to know how the new parents and baby was doing just the same as if my good friend or cousin just had a baby. But as a surrogate who just carried this baby, I felt like I was bothering them but I still just wanted to know that everything was okay.  You don't go from carrying a baby to not caring about how the whole family is doing and wanting to see the conclusion.  Fortunately E was coming over daily to grab the milk I was pumping but even that didn't last too long as they said that A was refusing my BM at 6 days old. 

I delivered on Thursday morning and I got to see them all briefly on Sunday morning at Starbucks to sign the papers to send to the attorney to make them legally the parents.  I was given a beautiful card and beautiful Tiffany's bracelet.  Baby A sat in her carseat with a blanket over her but I was able to grab a quick photo of her before we left to head to my godmother's for the day.

The following week was Christmas and life passed by quickly.  Ultimately, I was able to see the happy family one more time (though Baby Aggy was again sleeping in her carseat with a blanket over her so I didn't get to hold her) before they left just 2 weeks after she was born.  The attorney was able to get the paperwork expedited and the left far sooner than anyone expected.  The day before they left, my husband and I had plans with his work and we were not able to get together prior to them heading back to the UK.  I guess my only regret was not being able to say bye to everyone and snag another photo while holding Aggy when I was feeling better and more rested.  But that's okay...

Heading home on New Year's Eve.

People often ask me if I miss her... truth is, I don't. I don't expect everyone to understand this.  We are all wired a little differently.  It's surreal thinking that I carried this baby who is completely a stranger to me. I miss hearing from the IPs daily but I know they are settling into their new normal and falling in love with their little girl more every day.  I drive by the hospital and think "wow, I was just there 7 weeks ago, delivering a baby that is nothing more than a memory now...'  That 9 months led up to a moment that was over so fast (even though it was a very long labor).... My life returned to normal within a few days.  Life never stopped for the pregnancy and really it barely even slowed down for the delivery too.  There was no recovery, it was just back to life as I knew it again with in a day or two.  Now I just have the satisfaction of pumping every 3 hours around the clock for premature babies and knowing that I still continue to make a difference in someone's life daily.  I am very content with where I am right now but I do look forward to carrying another baby for a couple in the future... I am excited for my future... I am excited to see who Aggy becomes and I do love getting the weekly or so updates from E&L with photos or just saying 'Hey! We read your blog!'  I am very lucky for this relationship to continue and to get these updates because not all surrogates have continued contact...

Now that the pregnancy is over... where will this blog go?  Will I stop writing it?  You know, I am not sure. I have followers from all over the world. I believe I will keep writing in this blog even for future journeys or just life in general for now until I figure out what is next.... I have a lot to say and by keeping this blog active, we will continue to educate those who stumble upon it and show them what normal surrogacy looks like-- not the sensationalized media stories we all hear... so for now, I will keep this one going and reevaluate in the future!

I know this has been the longest entry yet, but I hope you have enjoyed my birth story.  When I think about things I have forgotten, I will likely come back and add to it.. it will always change as I think of something important to include!  I also hope you enjoyed my photos and realize that they were totally worth the 7 week wait.  Some of them were a bit bitter sweet as a reminder that this is over... I just cant believe how quickly things changed and shifted... I did have my 6 week postpartum visit today and my OB recommended me for another surrogate pregnancy in the future so that was music to my ears!

Next up, I will post my IF's version of the birth story and finally, my doula's perspective of the birth story. It is pretty special  to have all of these different accounts of what happened on that beautiful day!

To Check out the photographer who captured these beautiful images, please go to Julie Gayler Photography Facebook Page