The Birth Story of Rowan Genevieve

The following was written just 5 days after Rowan's birth but it has been a year since I wrote it.  It has been an insane year and Rowan will be ONE YEAR old on April 12.  It truly feels like it was yesterday and yet a lifetime ago all at the same time.  I am finally getting around to posting the photos and telling her story.  I am still blessed with them being in my life as close friends after all of this time and we will be working on making Rowan into a big sister later this summer.

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I wanted to sit and write my birth story while it is fresh in my head – Though this will be posted much later once I have photos, I am writing this as baby Rowan is 5 days old.  

I am nervous to do this as I do not want to do this story any injustice.  I want to really capture all of the feelings, all of the beauty – especially what the relationships between myself, the guys and the other beautiful people in my life that have supported me through this.  But how do you convey these feelings so perfectly – so that others truly understand?

The days leading up to induction date somehow went fast – prior to 40 weeks, it just felt like time was standing still.  By 40+4, I was planning for a Thursday induction.  That morning, Melissa, my best friend and business partner, sent me a message saying she was on the phone with Southwest and that they would give a really great military discount for plane tickets for her to come up.  She would be here from Wednesday (40+6) until Monday to help me recover.  I squealed.  I have not seen Melissa since she moved to New Orleans over the summer and even then, I avoided saying “See you later” to her because it was just so hard on my heart.  I didn’t know if she would make it to the birth, but just knowing that she was going to be there to recover is just what I needed!

By the time Wednesday got here, I was feeling relieved.  Melissa would be here at 3:30pm, my doctor was available for delivery at any time, my doula Courtney was available and my photographer and friend had just returned from a destination wedding in New York City.  I was feeling better about everything and relieved that everything would go absolutely perfect as before this, I was feeling nervous about something not going to go quite right.  I couldn’t put my finger on what was bothering me, just a nagging doubting voice.  It was probably the MFM that told me I was going to hemorrhage or that I would need a cesarean because of the previous shoulder dystocia – regardless, I was feeling a bit anxious but yet still ready for delivery.

I was out running errands (as any mom would do when she is 41 weeks pregnant) and I got a call from the hospital from my Doctor.  She said that Labor & Delivery was quiet and asked if I wanted to come in that afternoon to start induction.  This allowed her to be there for sure since she had some training the next day.  I told her I couldn’t be there until 2 or 3pm.  I had to go get baseball socks for Weston and shower, eat a decent meal. And plus, it was only noon and I was not going to get this party started until Melissa had her feet on the ground in DC.  I messaged the guys, my doula Courtney, Julie the photographer and called my husband. Everyone was in agreement that that day, it was baby day!  

I ran home and put Piper down for a nap.  Checked the contents of my hospital bag, hopped in the shower and waited for Kurt to get home from work before heading to the hospital.  Once I got up there, they assigned me to a room but I requested to move next door so I could have a wireless monitor so it would make getting up and down much easier for the labor.  I got changed into my labor gown then of course they hooked me up to the monitor bedside for a bit to get everything started. Dr. B came in to check my cervix to create our induction plan.  I was just 2cm still and only 50% effaced and baby was at -2 Station (still high).  And my cervix was still very posterior.  I was having a lot of contractions that day – regular contractions, but they weren’t painful.  I thought I might be in early labor so that made me feel better about how the induction would go.  

The plan was to start with Pitocin and skip any other cervical ripeners because in the past, inductions with Pitocin have always gone well for me.  When I was put on the monitor, little miss was not cooperating.  Her heart rate was very high (180s).  Rather than starting Pitocin at that time, they decided to give me a bolus of fluid to see if that would bring down her heart rate – it did, but also increased my blood pressure to what is considered high during pregnancy.  The fluid continued for a couple hours and they even allowed me to have a full meal before starting the Pitocin since we would not know how long the labor would take and it was hours before we could start Pitocin.  

At 6:30 pm, the Pitocin was started.  I was up and down every 15-30 minutes to use the restroom.  I labored mostly in the bed as that is what I wanted. I did labor on the birth ball as well but really, I was happy to be in the bed since I was getting up so frequently.  Time passed by pretty quickly.  Every 20-30 minutes, the nurse would come in and increase my Pitocin and I just wasn’t feeling much in the way of painful contractions.  

Around 4pm, the guys and E’s mom started heading towards the hospital but I told them to go get a good dinner or kill time since the party wasn’t getting started yet.  They walked around the store for a bit then came up and brought me a gorgeous bouquet of flowers.  They hung out for a bit then upon my urging, went and got a great dinner at one of my favorite places – Mike’s American Grill.   They came back close to 10 and not long after that, the Midwife and another doctor came in to check my cervix.  

Somewhere during this time, Kurt popped in with my kids.  I always like when he does this when I am in early labor so they can see that I am going to be okay.  Piper brought me some stuffed animals.  She also sat at the bedside and so lovingly put her hand on mine to make sure I was okay.  Having them check in with me gives me renewed energy.  But sometimes, those kids are too much for me to handle so it was a short visit!  

At 1030pm, my cervix really had not made a substantial change.  It was quite the same – 2-3 cm after 4 hours of pitocin. At this time, the midwife looked at the nurse and said “Whatever Melanie says, you need to believe that” – This midwife is one of my favorite providers at the hospital.  She was in attendance of Aggy’s birth as well as many of my doula clients. The midwife talked to me about breaking my water and bringing baby’s head down to put pressure on the cervix.  This is something I am familiar with as I have had it done in previous labors so I told her to go ahead!  She tried to break my water and thought she saw a trickle but it wasn’t the usual rupture of the membranes you would expect.  She thought that perhaps the forebag had broken but not the main bag of amniotic fluid.  She also hooked the edge of my cervix with the amniohook on accident and that was really painful – She felt terrible about that!  Every time I got up, I waited for that huge gush.  But it never came. I kept feeling like I had exam gel but never felt like my water had broken.  At this time, the IV was at 14 and I was not having painful contractions at all.  When they break the water, they half the Pitocin and see if your body will take over on the contractions – so that is what they did.  I kept laboring through this quietly and comfortably.  Baby Rowan was crazy active during the ENTIRE labor - I have had 5 babies and none of them were quite like Rowan during the labor. Even the nurses & docs were commenting on it.  

The guys were in and out, giving me space yet still being there and checking on me and offering support.  A little after midnight, after trying to relax in the waiting room on the L&D deck, the guys took E’s mom back to the house so that she could comfortably get some rest. They got back to the hospital around 01:30.  They came in to check on me and brought me batteries for the TENs unit I had started to use.  At this time I was starting to have to focus on the contractions and Melissa gave them the heads up that when I was contracting, everyone went quiet so I could focus.  Everyone joked that it was like hitting pause on the TV, then resuming play.  For a minute, I was quiet, eyes closed, focus…. Right back into the conversation and joking and laughing in between.  The TENs unit was a great asset to the birth – I really did feel that it was a distraction from the contractions and I felt it was incredibly soothing.

During this time, my awesome Doula Courtney was giving me foot massages (everyone that came in the room commented on the lotion I chose called Focus – it smelled like tea and mint), Julie was knitting in the corner (apparently a woman silently knitting in the corner is shown to reduce labor time – who would have known?) and Melissa was my right hand (wo)man every time I needed to use the bathroom which was like every 15 minutes.  We had a diffuser going like last time but this time – no Christmas music.  This time we had Lip Sync Road Trip Radio on with all of the best sing along songs coming on.  During contractions, I would close my eyes and bob my head to the music – this was the perfect kind of energy.  

As contraction pain started picking up, my blood pressure started increasing.  I had a reading of 140/101 and that concerned me greatly.  I had my cervix checked at 2:15 and it was 5cm and 90% so things were moving along nicely.  I opted for an epidural at this time but not for pain.  I knew that with a blood pressure like that, they were going to start consider treating it and the meds they treat with during labor makes you feel really bad and out of it.  I also know that epidurals drop blood pressure during labor (which is why they give you a bolus of fluid before you can ever get one so your blood pressure stays stable).  I was shaking uncontrollably, even though I was just a 5.  It was late.  I just wanted to shut my eyes for a few minutes and rest.  Epidural was the best option even though I was tolerating labor okay.  The guys decided to grab a nap in the car or lobby for a bit since I was just halfway to dilation in 7 hours of Pitocin and I was just finally starting to feel contractions so they wanted to rest up a little bit before things really got started.  So with that, they went downstairs.

Melissa texted my husband at 2:12am and said that I was 5cm and everyone thought we had plenty of time to just relax and rest.  Kurt was sleeping but somehow, he woke up and saw the message. He decided to call the neighbor and have her come over for a bit to pop up there and check on me.  At this time, the nurse called anesthesia and suddenly, labor got serious.  Contractions were coming back to back.  They were incredibly painful.  

Anesthesia came in the room and just had this chip on her shoulder.  She consistently had an attitude with me while I was trying to move positions between contractions. She barked orders at me.  While I was sitting up for the epidural, I was giving my amazing nurse the eye – like “Get this lady out of here!”  Melissa was my support person through the epidural.  I was hanging onto her when the Anesthesiologist barked at me to bend my back over.  I was still shaking uncontrollably.  She had an attitude over the TENs pads on my back still thinking she was going to get shocked. Melissa unplugged the electrodes and the anesthesiologist had an attitude over having to remove the pads in order to place the epidural.  

Finally, after all of that fiasco, she starts to prep the area.  Then it happened.  I felt a sudden dropping of the baby.  Literally a drop, drop and I looked at the nurse and said “She just dropped.  She is going to fall out!!”  I continue to hold still through incredible pain while this Anesthesiologist jabs and cranks on my back.  It was a surreal feeling.  The nurse said “I am going to check you as soon as you can lie down!”  Because after all, the Midwife had told her to believe anything I said.

Finally, the epidural is placed but no medication has been pushed yet.  I roll over and the nurse checks me and there is a lip left.  Like I went from 5cm to 10cm in the amount of time it took to get an epidural.  A screen shot of the conversation showed that Melissa messaged Kurt at 2:12 after I was checked and settled and it was “5cm 90% and getting epidural” then at 2:35 it was “Just a lip so very soon.  If you want to come, come now” to which he responded at 2:51 “Do you think she is closer?”  That guy!  Lol

As things in the room heated up, Melissa quickly one handed texted people telling them that delivery was imminent including the dads who were trying to take a nap thinking it was still going to be hours.  The anesthesiologist continued to be a peach and not allowing people back in the room. Courtney and Julie both tried to come back in after the nurse allowed them in, and the anesthesiologist kept kicking everyone out even though they were prepping the room for delivery.   I had not seen my OB since I checked in so I was hopeful she would be around for the delivery.  When she came in, she was surprised and obviously sleeping just moments before. 

At this point everyone started getting the room into action – prepping.  Getting E gloved and splash masked up, ready to catch his baby.  I heard that Kurt was around but had not seen him.  They pulled the bed out from the wall so that Julie could get a great view of the room to take photos.  Dr. B looked over at someone and said “Crank that music up!” and Sweet Caroline was on.  I was pushing while pulling on a robozo being held by Melissa & C across my chest.  Courtney was holding a leg as was my awesome nurse Loni.  It took a few pushes for me to get into the groove of things.  Dr. B was being very cautious since the last delivery had a dystocia so she was really monitoring how the baby came down behind the pubic bone.  

I turned and looked to the side and Kurt was beside me. His visitor’s badge had a time in of 0302 (barely making it as he wasn’t there for the last delivery so this was special).  At 0305, to the song Somewhere Over the Rainbow/What a Wonderful World (the song I had chosen the whole pregnancy as the song for the photo collage/video), Rowan Genevieve was born at 7lbs10oz and 19.5 inches.  E helped deliver her and her waters were ruptured at some point before labor so she had low fluid.  It was definitely time for her to come earth side!  As she was born, she was put on my stomach long enough to clean her up a little and C took her to do immediate skin to skin before her cord was even cut.  Once her cord was cut, the guys went to the chair in the corner and oohed and ahhed over her.  She was a gorgeous baby right from the start.  

Though my job was complete, the guys never let me out of their sight.  They took turns coming over to check on me while the other was doing skin to skin.  Time flies so fast right after you have a baby -- you blink and it has been an hour. This applies whether or not the baby was yours or you were delivering as a surrogate.  We were all hanging out just talking about how precious she was, how amazing the birth was and just really taking in the ending of the pregnancy and the beginning of their fatherhood.  Before long, it had been an hour or more since she had been born.  The nurse insisted that she eat and since I was nursing, the guys brought her to me to have her first feeding. 

My last surrogacy, the parents chose to syringe feed what I could produce those first few days (which was next to nothing).  This time, the guys wanted what was best for Rowan and it made sense for me to nurse her.  I had never nursed someone else's baby so it was curious to put a baby to the breast and feel absolutely nothing maternal towards her.  Sure she was gorgeous.  Sure I had carried her for 9 months and just delivered her but there was never an iota of a moment that felt like anything other than nursing a friend's baby.  

Once we were moved to the Mother/Baby unit, the guys were given their own room (even though we were told this would not happen -- there was a room that they were not giving to other patients since the TV didn't work).  After a really long night where we were all up, I snagged a short nap while Melissa hung out with me.  The guys and baby girl were in their own room.  I got a shower and was feeling pretty amazing and actually ready to go home just a couple hours after the birth.  In the state we delivered in, the rules are that the rights to the baby can't be signed over until 3 days after the birth so I had to hang out at the hospital until she was ready to be discharged the next day.  

That night, with my bestie at the hospital with me, we had a slumber party.  When the guys brought Rowan in at around 11, I told them we would keep her for the next couple feedings so they could sleep a little bit better.  You know what they did?  They trusted me to keep her in my room for a few hours so they could have some uninterrupted sleep. That meant the world to me!  I had already gotten a baby free nap and I wanted to return the favor to them!   Melissa and I took turns taking care of Rowan -- Well it was more like me feeding her and passing her right off to Melissa to change diapers and snuggle - the nurses who were not familiar with us thought we were two moms here with OUR baby LOL.  I had all of the access to her that I wanted and yet all I really cared about was feeding her and watching terrible TV while chatting with Melissa! Even though they were so generous with time with her, I still did not feel the bond to her like I did with my own kids.  The best way I can describe it is that we are all wired a little differently.  The same way some of us can be police officers or nurses and some of us cannot, some of us can be surrogates and not have this deep maternal bond with the baby that we carry.  To me, she was the precious little girl of two very dear friends!  

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After a year of reflection, I just look at how lucky I am to have had this experience. This type of relationship is exactly what a surrogate can hope for!  There was so much trust between us from the beginning and our friendship really blossomed organically.  I have been fortunate to see Rowan many times over the last year -- from milk drop offs to meeting her extended family including both grandmothers and others!  I have been invited to her birthday party -- a reminder that the guys appreciate me and more, they also value our friendship!  I am so excited that they chose to work with me again as their surrogate as we venture forward to making Rowan into a big sister!  Hopefully this next journey I am better at keeping everyone updated and maybe I can get the birth story up a little sooner than the sibling's first birthday!

Lots of love to E & C and Rowan and all of our readers!