I am embarrassed to admit that it has been SEVEN whole months since I
last updated this blog... it has been a bit of a whirlwind.
Here are the cliff notes of the last 7 months
July 25 - I had major jaw surgery where they broke my jaw in 4 places
August 31 - I had a revision surgery for my jaw surgery
September 26 - we moved out of our house in Virginia and to Colorado
October 15 - we moved out of our temp hotel room and into our house
November 14 - my dad passed away back in Virginia
Christmas - We went to Wisconsin
Last
time I pumped was December 22 -- which means in 8 months, I pumped more
than 12,000 oz for Rowan and one other baby -- this is about 400 days
of milk for a baby who consumes 30 oz a day.
Two weeks later, my brother in law passed away in Wisconsin
Which
leads me to where we are now -- in 2 days I leave Colorado to go to
Virginia to have the testing to make Rowan into a big sister!
Now
a few photos to update the blog -- I will put them in order of the
events above but I will try not to over do it - I always take tons of
photos! I might come back and write a more in depth blog about some of
the
First -- The surgery. I had a pretty
significant overbite and had braces put on when I was 15 wks pregnant
with Rowan. The braces were pretty intense and miserable, but I had the
end result in mind. For the surgery, they cut the lower jaw bone back
by the hinge, avoiding the nerve inside of the bone and moved the whole
bone forward 1cm. Then due to my underdeveloped lower mandible, they
also cut bone on the chin and moved it forward to give me a nice
profile. Turns out that there were complications during surgery and
they rushed through the chin so that was put back on crooked -- at least
the other part was good -- I had to go back 5 weeks later and have the
chin fixed and now I am as happy as a clam with the results! It was a
very intense surgery to recover from -- no chewing for 6 wks which meant
that all of my food had to be delivered via an oral syringe or straw or
I was able to start using a baby spoon around week 3 or 4 to pass food
such as mashed potatoes through my teeth.
This
shows the hardware and the changes in the jaw. 1 is right before
surgery. 2 is after the first surgery. and 3 is ater the chin revision
to make it straight
The airway was increased by 1cm. I do believe the surgery was a success because I am sleeping better at night
Profile progression
These
pictures are pretty hard to look at -- this is the progression photos
of a few days -- probably about 7 days from the Pre-surgery photo to the
last photo on the right. I totally looked like a monster for a few days
there.
First
photo is before surgery, second is 4 wks post the first surgery. This
photo was taken at the surgeon's office when I decided to have my chin
straightened the next week. The last photo was 3.5 months post op from
the first surgery.
Profile progression.
A
pretty accurate photo of the outcome of the surgery. I am very happy I
had it done though it was one of the hardest things I have ever
overcome!
Next
up was the move -- we moved just 3 wks after my second surgery. We had
no house to live in which meant the kids had no school to go to.... We
packed up our house in Virginia into the trailer. Yes, we moved
ourselves!! Then we set out on a drive across the country with 3 kids
and a panting cat...
I get the kids and panting cat, the husband gets the Nonnie and the camper.
Our rescue kitty, Jack, was not pleased to leave the only home he knew.
When at the Kentucky Derby Museum, you must try on the fancy hats and fascinators.
Checking out the Arch in St Louis, MO on the way to Colorado
We
finally get to Colorado and begin hitting the pavement to find a
house. This Denver market is unique for rentals. Base housing didn't
have any available even though we had been on the list for months.
Finally, after living in hotels for more than 3 weeks, we found a house
to rent and moved in! The kids had been out of school for those 3 weeks
and we went to register them and they were on a 2 week fall break --
You have got to be kidding me? So what did we do?
We explored! Here are some photos from our happenings around Colorado since we have been here!
Garden of the Gods
Garden of the Gods
Garden of the Gods
Pike's Peak
The top of Pike's Peak
Pike's Peak
Royal Gorge
Royal Gorge
From the top of Flagstaff Mountain, near Boulder, CO
Flagstaff Mountain
We
really have gotten out and checked out some local places and we are
excited to explore more with warmer weather. Surprisingly enough, the
weather here isn't so bad. Yes it snows frequently, but just as soon as
it snows, it starts to melt. With temps of 15 then 50, the weather is
like a pendulum swinging back and forth -- the saying here is "If you
don't like the weather here in Colorado, wait 10 minutes, it will
change!" and that it does.
What is a surrogacy blog without
photos of one of the cutest and happiest babies I have ever seen? I
messaged E&C and asked if I could post a photo of sweet baby Rowan.
Of course they each sent me at least 5 of their favorites - how can you
narrow it down to ONE photo? You cant, so you share multiple photos!
Can you believe she is almost 11 months? I love that we have stayed in
touch over the move and the last year. I think we send messages to each
other about once a week still -- something that reminds us of each
other or just checking in like friends do --
So without further ado, Miss Rowan:
She
is the spitting image of E. The daddies are so in love with her and
excited to make her into a big sister! I just love the updates from
them - real and just thankful. I actually get to see them on Friday
after our clinical visit to just catch up and have dinner and check out
that sweet face in person!
So that is it for now -- I
have the birth story mostly written up, I just need to download the
photos I intend to put into the birth story as well as make the video -
as we know, not everyone likes to read the words I write (There are so
many of them lol!) Life has gotten away from me this last year with
everything that has happened, so I just didn't carve out the time to sit
and make a proper birth story. When I post it, it will be worth it.
The photos are absolutely priceless!
I need to get this out now before my surgery. I started writing this weeks ago but time has not allowed me to get it all done ...
In 12 days I am having a BSSO/Genioplasty. To say my anxiety is sky high would be an understatement. I have never experienced anxiety in my life. What if I die during surgery? What if they nick a nerve and I never feel my chin/lips again? What if they don't get it symmetrical? How bad will the pain be? What if I get mastitis because I am pumping through this? My heart and thoughts race every night. All day I can't help but fixate on that day.
Here is a animation video of what the surgery will be:
I am walking around daily -- trying to prep. My husband took 2 wks off of work to help me recover but the mom in me needs to get everything done. Make food for me. Get systems in place. Clean up the house. Oh did I mention we are doing a DITY move (moving ourselves for non-military folks) to Colorado. Our move date hinges on when I am feeling recovered from surgery. Is that 4 wks? Is that 12? I don't really know honestly. I posted these bullets of important info on my FB recently:
This is the cliff note version. Though sometimes ignorance is bliss. I am preparing but am I prepared? I am in a Jaw Surgery group and just two days ago, someone posted that at 13 wks post-op, she was able to eat a piece of bread and ham and cheese by breaking them up into tiny pieces and putting them through her teeth that could now open just 1cm wide. This is what my life is going to be. I am going to be eating through a female urethra catheter -- like the kind of tube that women get catheters to remove urine from their bladder at the hospital. I will eat like this for weeks. probably at least 4. I have been preparing for this moment for about 2 years. My first consult with the surgeon was October 2016. Braces put on on October 2017 (surrogacy hindered the process for a bit!) Now this moment I have been waiting for, for years... something to fix my quality of life has me terrified. I know that theoretically everything will be okay. But that does not help me put the "what ifs?" out of my mind. The anxiety is bleeding over to many aspects of my life -- I feel like I am spinning in circles. I am trying to get everything done and yet feel like I am getting nothing done.
At this point I have made a bunch of smoothies in grab and go bags. Just dump in a blender with a premade protein shake and we have a meal!
Lots of soups that I have made and frozen in small sized bags. It is going to take a lot to feed myself and I will likely drop 10-20 lbs through recovery (though I have already dropped 10 lbs in 3 weeks from starting Weight Watchers so YAY!)
Here is my device in which I will feed myself for 4-6 wks until the bands are removed. Yep a syringe that I have to put the catheter down my cheek to my molars and feed in the small gap in the back made by my splint. I just got this on Monday. I knew it would be a challenge to feed myself but didn't realize how much of a challenge.
Here is a photo of me at my pre-surgical consult where the entire plan was hashed out and many molds made.
A cook book I made for my husband so he doesn't have to guess what I will want to eat and I won't have to eat ramen in a blender for weeks.
Foods that I have gathered to eat when I need something quick
Why the heck would I want to do this? Three reasons - Sleep apnea (my air way is small and I don't ever get restful sleep due to this -- bringing out my jaw will open up my airway as evidenced in someone elses' before and after x-rays). Migraines - I have suffered my whole life and my orthodontist told me my first appointment it was likely from my jaw misalignment causing pulling in my neck and head. Profile - this surgery will significantly improve my profile and create a chin. Maybe now I will want to smile all of the time for photos and not cringe when a side profile photo has been done or one showing my teeth and overbite.
Other stuff surrogacy related! E&L from my first journey emailed me a sweet photo of Aggy and told me I could post it! I emailed them asking them about the hype of the Royal Wedding. They shared this photo with me of Aggy wearing a Union Jack dress for the festivities. The Union Jack flag is the flag that signifies the unity of the countries with in the UK. Aggy will be 3 in December -- It is hard to be that I carried her that long ago!
On the 12th, Rowan turned 3 months! I get to see her about once a week and it is pretty fun to watch her and her daddies together. Isn't she just a doll? Leah & I had fun putting filters on her during our last visit!
Speaking of 3 months - Here are my pumping totals since starting this journey. I have pumped over 5700 oz since she was born - (In addition to these totals I donated some to someone else because well..... my freezer is so full we are running out of space and there isn't a single other thing in the freezer other than all of this iced cream!) This amount is more than 7.5 months worth of milk if a baby consumed 25 oz a day! Insane. I will be weaning before we move to Colorado (probably will be weaned by around the beginning of September and depending on how surgery recovery goes, I will have about 7 months worth of milk in the freezer and she will be about 4 months by then so my pumping for 4-5 months will get her to about 11 months old! Not too shabby!)
On a last note -- The fabulous Julie Gayler Photography halfway across the country right after I delivered Rowan so she is now getting our birth photos up on her website so that means the birth story is coming soon! I hope to have it up before the surgery but it takes time to add photos into blogs so I may have to do it during recovery! But I promise - they are worth waiting for.
As a final question -- we will see who read all the way through lol -- during recovery I will have netflix and Hulu -- any suggestions of must see series I can binge on? I don't like any shows that require a lot of attention to be able to follow and I really love trashy reality -- we all have our vices!! Tell me the best!!!
So it is almost 2 weeks since Ms. Rowan made her great debut -- delivered right into her Papa's hands -- Literally -- E helped deliver his baby girl.
On April 12, at exactly 41 wks pregnant, Rowan Genevieve was born at 7lbs 10oz and 19.5 inches long. The labor, delivery and recovery were simply beautiful. I will be posting a birth story as soon as I have all of the images from Gayler Photography - You don't want to miss this story! The photographs she has given me as a sneak peek are simply moving.
I cannot say enough about how amazing these two guys are and how they show me appreciation every single day. This journey has been simply amazing. I get to see them very frequently as I am pumping for Rowan and they are local so milk pick ups involve catching up on how they are sleeping and getting to see them doting and loving on their sweet and beautiful daughter.
Here is a group photo less than an hour after birth
And a photo of sweet baby Rowan soon after birth when I first got to hold her after the daddies did skin to skin!
I promise - the birth story will be worth waiting for! Sorry it took me so long to post an announcement -- even though I had a super easy delivery and recovery, I have been spending 7 hours a day pumping, cleaning bottle parts and storing milk carefully for this special little girl. I also have been climbing out of the hole of business, pto and other important things that have needed to be done! The birth story is practically written -- just waiting to post until I have the photos that coincide with the story!
Tomorrow is 40 weeks and little girl is still snuggled in tightly. She has no visions of going towards the light yet.
The pain I feel in my pelvis is incredible. When she moves, I feel like my pelvis on the back side is literally breaking. During dinner last night, she was so mobile that I was doubled over in back pain and ended up not being able to eat my dinner. I don't know why the pain is so bad there when she moves, but generally, the later in the day, the worse the pain gets which makes for some terrible sleeping. I finally got to bed just after midnight only to be woken up with tailbone burning and pain -- that is a new addition.
So today is not 40 weeks -- tomorrow is. But at this rate, I might not get out of pajamas and put real clothes on. Even putting on pants/underwear/shoes is a struggle. Cleaning the house? Non-Existent. Surprised my family hasn't formed a mutiny. Food for them -- I have been still preparing it but I struggle with that too. Standing for long periods has me exhausted. I wanted to go to bed at 6 last night - but yet when I got into bed, couldn't sleep. Its a vicious, sleepless cycle. I need my body to get in tune with the fact that I don't need to be acclimated to exhaustion -- I am not raising this baby. So if it could get on board with me getting a little sleep so I am well rested for delivery, that would be fantastic.
So here is my 40wk belly shot -- hoping this is the last one besides the hospital photo -- I don't want a 41 week belly photo.
This morning we all met at the doctor's office at 0730. My doctor so kindly came in after she had just completed a 12 hour labor and delivery shift and saw us. She played a little show and tell of things you might see on the L&D deck (vacuum, Intrauterine Contraction Monitor, Internal Fetal Monitor) and told the guys about different things to expect from spontaneous onset of labor to what an induction might look like and of course we talked about cesarean. Our doctor was clear that she didn't think we would need a cesarean -- but like we always do with our clients, it is better to talk in advance than to talk in the moment of. We all got a chance to ask questions and really let them get an in depth idea of what to expect. We talked about birth wishes ...
Then we had an ultrasound to make sure little bug was still head down. Yep. She checked her fluid to make sure that was all safe -- 2.3 and it needed to be more than 2. And she checked her heart rate -- 140s. She also said she is not great at guessing weights but felt like baby is not a 9lb baby -- she guesses around 8lbs right now.
After all of that was done and questions were answered, the guys went on their way and she did a cervical exam on me as well as took another GBS test sample to send to the lab. Nothing to report in the cervix. Not much change -- still around 2 cm, not effaced and she says that her head is not that low. Which is unfortunate knowing that all of this pain I am having in my pelvis is not from an engaged baby head -- so that means the pain could get worse. She also attempted to strip my membranes but again, my cervix is always very posterior (even during labor) and it is hard to reach it. Kinda felt defeated walking out of that office knowing that nothing has changed. No progress. But the doula in me also knows that at any moment, my body could go into labor and all of the progress happen then.....
So what did we learn today? What to expect. Expect the unexpected. And if baby is not here by April 12, we will induce -- May be with foley bulb but our doctor said most likely, since I have had 4 babies vaginally before that we would start with pitocin because my cervix isn't unfavorable -- we know that my body knows what to do when exposed to pitocin.
Last week I had an OB appt in the winter storm that hit the DC area on the first day of spring. All appts were canceled at the hospital but my doctor texted me and came in anyway to see me at 7am. That appointment was completely uneventful -- quick ultrasound showed her head down (which is a good thing since she had gone sideways at one point that week!), her heart rate was in the 130s, fundal height what it should be for my gestation, my BP was good. Just an overall normal check up. I did ask her at that appointment if she had an idea of what size she might be -- she said there are usually 3 guesses surrounding baby's size -- Ultrasounds, doctor's guess and mom's guess. She said that usually mom's guess is most accurate. She never gave me a guess. My guess is that this peanut will be about 7lbs12oz. But I have absolutely no medical reasoning -- just a uneducated guess.
On Wednesday (at 38+6) I went for my 39 wk check up. It was with a doctor other than my own since my doctor is on night duty for L&D deck. Everything was completely normal. BP was good, baby's heart rate was 140s. Cervix is dilated only to a 1-2. Baby is super low.
But she dropped a bad news bomb in my lap before I left. She told me I was GBS positive. I know this is totally common. 25-35% of women test positive. I have a whole host of other stats to go with it, but they aren't necessary to share since after she got all of us in a tizzy with what our plan would be, my doctor looked at the results and it said that I don't actually have Group B Strep. So that was a fun day of trying to figure out what was next and how this diagnosis would change our birth plan. But it was all in vain since my doctor emailed us and said "the results are NOT POSITIVE!"
Lastly, if you want to subscribe to the blog so you have the newest blog dropped in your inbox when it is posted (AKA You get to see photos of a cute squishy baby and hear details as soon as they are posted), you can put your email in and subscribe to our blog. If you are mobile, go to the bottom of the blog and click "view web version" and then the bar will be there for you to subscribe.
Overall, I am just ready for this pregnancy to be done. I am writing this at 39+1 wks. I wonder what this labor will look like. I worry sometimes that my good luck and reasonably easy deliveries will run out -- not because I think something will go wrong but because statistics! What if I need a C-Section this time? No it is not the end of the world, but it is also not what I am aiming for. As always, healthy mom/delivering woman and healthy baby is the goal -- But I also think that how a woman feels about her delivery is pretty important in the long run too.
Want to know what is on my birth plan? Does a doula get an epidural? What about pitocin? Basically important things for my birth include my doula and photographer (both in which are friends) make sure I look good. Vain? Yeah probably but this is my birth and my wishes and if I want to look decent and it is important to me, they are there to support me! Other things include keeping my butt covered as much as possible -- I don't feel uncomfortable around other women laboring completely how they feel most comfortable -- but for me, Keep my butt covered! I also know that an epidural is a tool. I am going into this saying "I want to see if I can have another epidural free birth" but if that doesn't happen, I won't feel deflated. I will ask for an epidural if I want one when I want one. Pitocin? If the provider feels it is necessary to keep us safe, I am on board. See my list has little to do with the progression of labor as I know you cannot really plan for any of that! My list includes things that will keep me comfortable during the transition from pregnant to postpartum.
I can't wait to write my birth story -- not just here on the blog, but going through the events that actually create the birth story.
Yesterday we hit the big milestone of finally being Term! Term means that any time between now and April 12 (41 wks), we are in the realm of normal for baby girl being born. It means it could be any day or 4 weeks.
At this point in pregnancies, many women wake up every morning and think "Today would be a good day to have a baby!" I won't lie -- I am there too. Yes I know, I did this to myself, but these last few weeks are incredibly hard. I don't know if it is my short stature, or I am just whiny, but I think "If you're ready today baby, so am I!"
Here are some comparison photos between my 35 week belly and 37 week
belly -- I didn't take a 36 week photo because I was swamped with book
fair at the school and just forgot!
The belly certainly has taken a different shape this week!
Sometimes
I think "Today could be the last day of my pregnancy!" and it is bitter
sweet. Then reality sets in! This truly has been an easy pregnancy in
comparison to some of the others. I have felt remarkably well. No
nausea. No major concerns. But my body is reminding me daily "You are
not as young as you once were!" I have managed to gain just 18 lbs up
to this point which certainly has helped the cause.
Just
a run down of some of the fun stuff I am dealing with that has me
waking up saying "Today would be a good day to have a baby!"
Sleep - Or lack there of. The nights are long and not in a good way. I wake up 4-6 times a night to use the bathroom and because the pain in my hips is incredible. I cannot sleep on my back or stomach due to pregnancy. I cannot sleep on my left side because my stomach automatically cramps up. So I have to sleep on my right side. Eventually the pain in my right hip is so incredible that I just can't stay in bed anymore. I have to get up and stretch my leg and sometimes it means holding onto the wall on the way to the bathroom just to remain upright. Add that my sleep apnea gets worse during pregnancy (hence the jaw surgery this summer) and sleep is just nonexistent at this point. I welcome waking up every 2-3 hours during pumping because at least in between pumping, I sleep hard. Somehow I manage to get more sleep when I am pumping than when I am pregnant.
Typical night of sleep for me while pregnant. Light blue is restless, Red is awake, dark blue is alseep.
Swelling and feet soreness - I am now getting kankles and they just aren't comfortable. Having 3 kids, a business and volunteering for the PTO among other things, I just don't sit around with my feet up -- ever. And if I did, time would creep by so slowly. And I would see that my house needs to be cleaned or kids need to be fed so hanging out on the couch is out of the question for this girl. I would do it if I was put on bed rest obviously, but if there is no medical indication, then I just need to carry on with life because all of the things still need to be done -- even when I am uncomfortable.
My Gross Kankles from today -- I wasn't even on my feet that much!
Round Ligament Pain - This is a new one this pregnancy. The fun of feeling like your belly is going to rip wide open because of the stretching for the ligaments around the belly. I wrote a blog recently about this for our business because I have never had this before. It is flat out miserable. I had to buy some belly bras to hold this thing up. Maybe they ligaments are just tired after 5 pregnancies?
Back & Pelvis Pain - Again these are all normal, but when you crippled over and have to run to the chiropractor for another $70 because your pelvis feels like it will just break in half, it kind of is a downer. I was having this problem earlier this week and I am so grateful my chiro got me in for as same day appointment, because man it was miserable! With all of the relaxin in my body, the adjustments just aren't sticking anymore.
Meralgia Paresthetica - What in the world is that? Prior to pregnancy, I had a place on my outer thigh that felt numb to the touch. During pregnancy it has gotten progressively worse. In my pelvis, there is a pinched nerve. As the weight gets heavier in the pelvis with the growing baby, this nerve gets more pinched. During the second trimester, it felt like burning -- like my skin had a sun burn there. Now it always feels like someone heated up a cast iron skillet and placed it right on my leg. You cannot touch that place, clothes irritate it. I can't lean on it while sitting on the couch without incredible burning. And lately, if I turn the wrong way while sitting or standing, now it feels like the muscle is ripping. Modified pigeon helps with that pain (or squatting down but then gravity works against me to get back up!) The weight removed from my pelvis would get rid of that sensation.
Lightening Crotch - Yeah those who have been pregnant know this one. Others are like "What in the world Melanie?" Its that sharp sudden stabbing pain in your cervix. It feels like a needle just shooting through your cervix. It will stop you in your tracks. It has been happening at night... when I sleep. That is a nice wake up call!
Contractions - When you have this many (every 5-7 minutes for hours) and some that are very painful, its like "Is today going to be the day?" Nah... and your cervix doesn't care about your contractions either! They can be exhausting and leave you questioning when labor really is coming!
Reflux/Heartburn - At the end, as a baby is pushing up on your diaphragm, stomach is being squished, even water or milk gives you heartburn. Especially at night. You lay down and the food just comes up your throat. It is inevitable. I woke up twice in one night with projectile stomach acid in my mouth. That's another great wake up call!
These are all annoyances. Normal pregnancy things. But... that doesn't make them any less annoying or painful!
So.... Tomorrow, St. Patrick's Day, You can bet I will wake up saying "Today would be a great day to have a baby!" But she will come when she is ready. Until then, I will dream of margaritas, beer, sleeping on my stomach, and the ability to take ibuprofen for my teeth when they hurt as bad as they do right now from my brace adjustment!
Next appointment is Wednesday (37+6) at 0700 -- That is going to be a rough morning waking up that early and being at the hospital for an appointment! I will update after that appointment!
Another fun note-- The guys sent me the most wonderful care package of pampering stuff. I have had so much fun with these nail polishes and already had a few relaxing baths with the bath bombs. They are so thoughtful and kind. <3
