This little whiny session made me think about things. To put things into perspective a little bit. I was also thinking about this last night as I was trying to go to bed. I hear it all of the time, things that are meant to be nice but are so flippant with the feelings of IPs. It is things like 'At least you don't have to ruin your body for a pregnancy.' or 'At least you get to skip all of the pregnancy woes like morning sickness when you use a surrogate'. These are just a couple of the emotional type arguments that I hear people trying to make the IPs feel better about using a surrogate... I won't even get into the argument about how much IPs have to spend to facilitate a surrogate pregnancy plus all of the professionals involved too.
As I was laying to go to sleep last night, the little teacup was stirring. I wish more than anything that my IM could feel this, in her own belly. She has a lifetime with this baby once s/he is born (me and IM are on team girl for the record!), but still, as amazing as it is to be someone's surrogate, I wish there wasn't a need. I know that if it was physically possible, she would go through illness, the body changes, the hormonal messes to be able to carry her own baby, that she would love to feel her husband's hand on her belly as the baby moves. I feel a sense of guilt that I am the one that experience this 9 months that leads up to her motherhood. I shouldn't feel guilty, but I so desperately wish that it didn't have to be this way! I love that I can help, but I wish there was not a need for me. Such conflicting emotions and so hard to articulate them! I also see the struggle daily with other friends who are also TTC and having problems. I just wish there was a magic wand to help everyone who struggles with this. I know that every baby that comes to a mother or father is special -- no matter the journey in which the baby got to you is through surrogacy, donor eggs/sperm/embryos, adoption or just years and years of trying-- even if the journey is cut short... Everyone who faces these struggles -- you are in my heart and on my mind often!
I think what brought these emotions on was that E&L sent me photos of them with a good friend's brand new baby. This baby was brought into this world through the help of Dr. Levy as well and his IVF program. I wish I could share the photos of E&L, but having someone's baby in the photo\ I cannot share! But I have to tell you, this sweet little baby boy is gorgeous and E&L look so happy and comfortable snuggling with him. I think it is amazing that they have friends that artificial reproduction has helped create their family -- it creates a bond between two couples that cannot be understood by anyone else unless they too have been down the same road. But soon, in a few short months, E&L will get to share their baby with their friends in the same manner! That is the feeling I am excited for-- that they will finally get to be a family with their baby.
With the photos of my IPs and that sweet little guy, my IM sent me a photo of her and her dad in a sporty little convertible. The grandpa to be said hello to me and L passed it on so 'Hello Grandpa!' (Or whatever you guys call gramps in the UK!!) It is so nice to feel connected to people so far away, I think of all of the family member and friends across the sea often! I know you guys are getting excited -- so I will do my best to do timely updates!
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