Be kind to me -- no 10 lb babies! The last nearly 9lb baby did a number to me!
C&E's Baby Pool - Cast your votes here!
Monday, April 2, 2018
Baby Pool!
No better way to pass time than by having fun guessing when she will make her appearance.
Be kind to me -- no 10 lb babies! The last nearly 9lb baby did a number to me!
C&E's Baby Pool - Cast your votes here!
Be kind to me -- no 10 lb babies! The last nearly 9lb baby did a number to me!
C&E's Baby Pool - Cast your votes here!
Friday, March 30, 2018
38 & 39 Week Check in
Last week I had an OB appt in the winter storm that hit the DC area on the first day of spring. All appts were canceled at the hospital but my doctor texted me and came in anyway to see me at 7am. That appointment was completely uneventful -- quick ultrasound showed her head down (which is a good thing since she had gone sideways at one point that week!), her heart rate was in the 130s, fundal height what it should be for my gestation, my BP was good. Just an overall normal check up. I did ask her at that appointment if she had an idea of what size she might be -- she said there are usually 3 guesses surrounding baby's size -- Ultrasounds, doctor's guess and mom's guess. She said that usually mom's guess is most accurate. She never gave me a guess. My guess is that this peanut will be about 7lbs12oz. But I have absolutely no medical reasoning -- just a uneducated guess.
On Wednesday (at 38+6) I went for my 39 wk check up. It was with a doctor other than my own since my doctor is on night duty for L&D deck. Everything was completely normal. BP was good, baby's heart rate was 140s. Cervix is dilated only to a 1-2. Baby is super low.
But she dropped a bad news bomb in my lap before I left. She told me I was GBS positive. I know this is totally common. 25-35% of women test positive. I have a whole host of other stats to go with it, but they aren't necessary to share since after she got all of us in a tizzy with what our plan would be, my doctor looked at the results and it said that I don't actually have Group B Strep. So that was a fun day of trying to figure out what was next and how this diagnosis would change our birth plan. But it was all in vain since my doctor emailed us and said "the results are NOT POSITIVE!"
Lastly, if you want to subscribe to the blog so you have the newest blog dropped in your inbox when it is posted (AKA You get to see photos of a cute squishy baby and hear details as soon as they are posted), you can put your email in and subscribe to our blog. If you are mobile, go to the bottom of the blog and click "view web version" and then the bar will be there for you to subscribe.
Overall, I am just ready for this pregnancy to be done. I am writing this at 39+1 wks. I wonder what this labor will look like. I worry sometimes that my good luck and reasonably easy deliveries will run out -- not because I think something will go wrong but because statistics! What if I need a C-Section this time? No it is not the end of the world, but it is also not what I am aiming for. As always, healthy mom/delivering woman and healthy baby is the goal -- But I also think that how a woman feels about her delivery is pretty important in the long run too.
Want to know what is on my birth plan? Does a doula get an epidural? What about pitocin? Basically important things for my birth include my doula and photographer (both in which are friends) make sure I look good. Vain? Yeah probably but this is my birth and my wishes and if I want to look decent and it is important to me, they are there to support me! Other things include keeping my butt covered as much as possible -- I don't feel uncomfortable around other women laboring completely how they feel most comfortable -- but for me, Keep my butt covered! I also know that an epidural is a tool. I am going into this saying "I want to see if I can have another epidural free birth" but if that doesn't happen, I won't feel deflated. I will ask for an epidural if I want one when I want one. Pitocin? If the provider feels it is necessary to keep us safe, I am on board. See my list has little to do with the progression of labor as I know you cannot really plan for any of that! My list includes things that will keep me comfortable during the transition from pregnant to postpartum.
I can't wait to write my birth story -- not just here on the blog, but going through the events that actually create the birth story.
But she dropped a bad news bomb in my lap before I left. She told me I was GBS positive. I know this is totally common. 25-35% of women test positive. I have a whole host of other stats to go with it, but they aren't necessary to share since after she got all of us in a tizzy with what our plan would be, my doctor looked at the results and it said that I don't actually have Group B Strep. So that was a fun day of trying to figure out what was next and how this diagnosis would change our birth plan. But it was all in vain since my doctor emailed us and said "the results are NOT POSITIVE!"
Lastly, if you want to subscribe to the blog so you have the newest blog dropped in your inbox when it is posted (AKA You get to see photos of a cute squishy baby and hear details as soon as they are posted), you can put your email in and subscribe to our blog. If you are mobile, go to the bottom of the blog and click "view web version" and then the bar will be there for you to subscribe.
Overall, I am just ready for this pregnancy to be done. I am writing this at 39+1 wks. I wonder what this labor will look like. I worry sometimes that my good luck and reasonably easy deliveries will run out -- not because I think something will go wrong but because statistics! What if I need a C-Section this time? No it is not the end of the world, but it is also not what I am aiming for. As always, healthy mom/delivering woman and healthy baby is the goal -- But I also think that how a woman feels about her delivery is pretty important in the long run too.
Want to know what is on my birth plan? Does a doula get an epidural? What about pitocin? Basically important things for my birth include my doula and photographer (both in which are friends) make sure I look good. Vain? Yeah probably but this is my birth and my wishes and if I want to look decent and it is important to me, they are there to support me! Other things include keeping my butt covered as much as possible -- I don't feel uncomfortable around other women laboring completely how they feel most comfortable -- but for me, Keep my butt covered! I also know that an epidural is a tool. I am going into this saying "I want to see if I can have another epidural free birth" but if that doesn't happen, I won't feel deflated. I will ask for an epidural if I want one when I want one. Pitocin? If the provider feels it is necessary to keep us safe, I am on board. See my list has little to do with the progression of labor as I know you cannot really plan for any of that! My list includes things that will keep me comfortable during the transition from pregnant to postpartum.
I can't wait to write my birth story -- not just here on the blog, but going through the events that actually create the birth story.
Friday, March 16, 2018
37 weeks which means TERM!
Yesterday we hit the big milestone of finally being Term! Term means that any time between now and April 12 (41 wks), we are in the realm of normal for baby girl being born. It means it could be any day or 4 weeks.
At this point in pregnancies, many women wake up every morning and think "Today would be a good day to have a baby!" I won't lie -- I am there too. Yes I know, I did this to myself, but these last few weeks are incredibly hard. I don't know if it is my short stature, or I am just whiny, but I think "If you're ready today baby, so am I!"
Here are some comparison photos between my 35 week belly and 37 week
belly -- I didn't take a 36 week photo because I was swamped with book
fair at the school and just forgot!
Sometimes I think "Today could be the last day of my pregnancy!" and it is bitter sweet. Then reality sets in! This truly has been an easy pregnancy in comparison to some of the others. I have felt remarkably well. No nausea. No major concerns. But my body is reminding me daily "You are not as young as you once were!" I have managed to gain just 18 lbs up to this point which certainly has helped the cause.
Just a run down of some of the fun stuff I am dealing with that has me waking up saying "Today would be a good day to have a baby!"
Sleep - Or lack there of. The nights are long and not in a good way. I wake up 4-6 times a night to use the bathroom and because the pain in my hips is incredible. I cannot sleep on my back or stomach due to pregnancy. I cannot sleep on my left side because my stomach automatically cramps up. So I have to sleep on my right side. Eventually the pain in my right hip is so incredible that I just can't stay in bed anymore. I have to get up and stretch my leg and sometimes it means holding onto the wall on the way to the bathroom just to remain upright. Add that my sleep apnea gets worse during pregnancy (hence the jaw surgery this summer) and sleep is just nonexistent at this point. I welcome waking up every 2-3 hours during pumping because at least in between pumping, I sleep hard. Somehow I manage to get more sleep when I am pumping than when I am pregnant.
So.... Tomorrow, St. Patrick's Day, You can bet I will wake up saying "Today would be a great day to have a baby!" But she will come when she is ready. Until then, I will dream of margaritas, beer, sleeping on my stomach, and the ability to take ibuprofen for my teeth when they hurt as bad as they do right now from my brace adjustment!
Next appointment is Wednesday (37+6) at 0700 -- That is going to be a rough morning waking up that early and being at the hospital for an appointment! I will update after that appointment!
Another fun note-- The guys sent me the most wonderful care package of pampering stuff. I have had so much fun with these nail polishes and already had a few relaxing baths with the bath bombs. They are so thoughtful and kind. <3
At this point in pregnancies, many women wake up every morning and think "Today would be a good day to have a baby!" I won't lie -- I am there too. Yes I know, I did this to myself, but these last few weeks are incredibly hard. I don't know if it is my short stature, or I am just whiny, but I think "If you're ready today baby, so am I!"
The belly certainly has taken a different shape this week!
Sometimes I think "Today could be the last day of my pregnancy!" and it is bitter sweet. Then reality sets in! This truly has been an easy pregnancy in comparison to some of the others. I have felt remarkably well. No nausea. No major concerns. But my body is reminding me daily "You are not as young as you once were!" I have managed to gain just 18 lbs up to this point which certainly has helped the cause.
Just a run down of some of the fun stuff I am dealing with that has me waking up saying "Today would be a good day to have a baby!"
 |
| Typical night of sleep for me while pregnant. Light blue is restless, Red is awake, dark blue is alseep. |
- Swelling and feet soreness - I am now getting kankles and they just aren't comfortable. Having 3 kids, a business and volunteering for the PTO among other things, I just don't sit around with my feet up -- ever. And if I did, time would creep by so slowly. And I would see that my house needs to be cleaned or kids need to be fed so hanging out on the couch is out of the question for this girl. I would do it if I was put on bed rest obviously, but if there is no medical indication, then I just need to carry on with life because all of the things still need to be done -- even when I am uncomfortable.
 |
| My Gross Kankles from today -- I wasn't even on my feet that much! |
- Round Ligament Pain - This is a new one this pregnancy. The fun of feeling like your belly is going to rip wide open because of the stretching for the ligaments around the belly. I wrote a blog recently about this for our business because I have never had this before. It is flat out miserable. I had to buy some belly bras to hold this thing up. Maybe they ligaments are just tired after 5 pregnancies?
- Back & Pelvis Pain - Again these are all normal, but when you crippled over and have to run to the chiropractor for another $70 because your pelvis feels like it will just break in half, it kind of is a downer. I was having this problem earlier this week and I am so grateful my chiro got me in for as same day appointment, because man it was miserable! With all of the relaxin in my body, the adjustments just aren't sticking anymore.
- Meralgia Paresthetica - What in the world is that? Prior to pregnancy, I had a place on my outer thigh that felt numb to the touch. During pregnancy it has gotten progressively worse. In my pelvis, there is a pinched nerve. As the weight gets heavier in the pelvis with the growing baby, this nerve gets more pinched. During the second trimester, it felt like burning -- like my skin had a sun burn there. Now it always feels like someone heated up a cast iron skillet and placed it right on my leg. You cannot touch that place, clothes irritate it. I can't lean on it while sitting on the couch without incredible burning. And lately, if I turn the wrong way while sitting or standing, now it feels like the muscle is ripping. Modified pigeon helps with that pain (or squatting down but then gravity works against me to get back up!) The weight removed from my pelvis would get rid of that sensation.
- Lightening Crotch - Yeah those who have been pregnant know this one. Others are like "What in the world Melanie?" Its that sharp sudden stabbing pain in your cervix. It feels like a needle just shooting through your cervix. It will stop you in your tracks. It has been happening at night... when I sleep. That is a nice wake up call!
- Contractions - When you have this many (every 5-7 minutes for hours) and some that are very painful, its like "Is today going to be the day?" Nah... and your cervix doesn't care about your contractions either! They can be exhausting and leave you questioning when labor really is coming!
- Reflux/Heartburn - At the end, as a baby is pushing up on your diaphragm, stomach is being squished, even water or milk gives you heartburn. Especially at night. You lay down and the food just comes up your throat. It is inevitable. I woke up twice in one night with projectile stomach acid in my mouth. That's another great wake up call!
Next appointment is Wednesday (37+6) at 0700 -- That is going to be a rough morning waking up that early and being at the hospital for an appointment! I will update after that appointment!
Another fun note-- The guys sent me the most wonderful care package of pampering stuff. I have had so much fun with these nail polishes and already had a few relaxing baths with the bath bombs. They are so thoughtful and kind. <3
Monday, March 12, 2018
Baby Shower, OB Appt, and almost 37 weeks! Oh and a bonus trip to L&D!
In true Melanie fashion - I am weeks behind. In all fairness, these last few weeks have been insane with volunteering and business.
As an update to my last blog about being nominated for Military Spouse of the Year, I did win the base level so I get to join in all of the festivities this year including the Gala. Here's an article written by the base newspaper.
Right after this article was published, we got to celebrate this sweet baby I am carrying for E&C. It was such an honor to be invited to their baby shower and to get to meet their friends and family. The shower was beautiful and the hosts Ashley & Al were so warm and inviting! The decorations and food were perfect -- especially the cake and the amazing Macaroons that E made -- the raspberry sauce and homemade cream on the top ... I cannot explain out delectable they were!
Today was my (almost) 37 wk check up. I have had a busy few weeks with bookfair and bingo for our PTO and last week, I was exhausted after doing 36 hours of volunteering. A few days, I had 15k+ step days and my body was screaming at me to slow down. Contractions were coming on strong. My feet were swelling. My back was killing me. And TMI - I was wet more than usual. Not the usual end of pregnancy mess, not pee. Just wet.
I got to the hospital to see my OB and was waiting in line to be checked in. The lady in front of me wanted to read every sign on the counter -- and ask every question she had. Suddenly, I felt like I was going to go down. Heart was racing, pounding. I got sweaty and just felt bad. I crouched down to the floor and a nurse came over to help me to a chair. I have felt off all day -- just exhausted and exerted but nothing truly "off".
I got to the back and my BP was higher than it has been 131/86 but everything else was okay. I also put on 4 lbs in just over a week (annoying considering prior to this, I had only gained 15 lbs the ENTIRE pregnancy). I saw the doctor and she asked questions. Measured fundal height (measuring exactly on time). She also did a quick ultrasound to make sure baby is head down and that the fluid was measuring okay. It took a bit of looking around but the fluid measured okay. Baby's heart rate was in the 130s. She wanted me to run upstairs just to get checked to make sure I wasn't leaking fluid as well as just get on the monitors to be sure all was okay.
Three hours later -- All is well. I had a nice (but new to the hospital) doctor with the other new doctor who he was training. The nurses were all tied up -- a lot of deliveries happening today. It was the blind leading the blind with those two but they were nice and funny. They did a speculum exam and checked for fluid. Did a test to send to the lab. Couldn't find the other test so they had to go find the nurse to get it. She did the second test. Then they hooked me up to the monitors. I was contracting every 5-7 minutes. Baby looked good and my BP returned to normal. After a while the nurse came in and said to go ahead and get dressed while I wait for the doctor to discharge me. When the doctor came in to discharge me, he asked me if I was feeling the contractions and asked me how often I felt I was having them. Every 5-7 minutes that I have noticed over the last few days. Some more painful than others. So of course they want to check my cervix even after I am dressed.... Takes a bit of time to get these clothes off and on anymore LOL
So they checked and nothing huge to report here. Long high cervix dilated to 1cm. So not exciting at all. I was hoping that since they were in there digging, at least I could be a few cm dilated. They also did a quick ultrasound to check for fluids again. The deepest pocket of fluid was 5.7 and its considered adequate at 5. All of the swabs came back negative.... so on my way I went ....
Most likely I will deliver the last week of March. This is simply because it would be most inconvenient. My kids will all be home for spring break. My husband will be on podium teaching his students (makes it more challenging for him to get off to watch the kids all day while they are home from school). Oh and also, the most amazing doctor ever is on duty -- at night. So if I deliver at night, she will deliver me. If I deliver during the day -- I get whomever is on call. So the last week of March is what I am thinking for sure!
So anytime between now and April 12, expect a baby.... you know, any variation of normal! But at least the guys have more time to finish getting the nursery and hospital bags together!
As for me... I am still hoping for more macaroons and a St. Paddy's Day baby all the while I am contracting every 5-7 minutes -- well wishes to me for sanity friends!
As an update to my last blog about being nominated for Military Spouse of the Year, I did win the base level so I get to join in all of the festivities this year including the Gala. Here's an article written by the base newspaper.
Right after this article was published, we got to celebrate this sweet baby I am carrying for E&C. It was such an honor to be invited to their baby shower and to get to meet their friends and family. The shower was beautiful and the hosts Ashley & Al were so warm and inviting! The decorations and food were perfect -- especially the cake and the amazing Macaroons that E made -- the raspberry sauce and homemade cream on the top ... I cannot explain out delectable they were!
 |
| I felt so honored that they asked me if I wanted to have my husband or a friend come so my bestie that the guys have met got the honors of being my hot date to the babyshower. |
Today was my (almost) 37 wk check up. I have had a busy few weeks with bookfair and bingo for our PTO and last week, I was exhausted after doing 36 hours of volunteering. A few days, I had 15k+ step days and my body was screaming at me to slow down. Contractions were coming on strong. My feet were swelling. My back was killing me. And TMI - I was wet more than usual. Not the usual end of pregnancy mess, not pee. Just wet.
I got to the hospital to see my OB and was waiting in line to be checked in. The lady in front of me wanted to read every sign on the counter -- and ask every question she had. Suddenly, I felt like I was going to go down. Heart was racing, pounding. I got sweaty and just felt bad. I crouched down to the floor and a nurse came over to help me to a chair. I have felt off all day -- just exhausted and exerted but nothing truly "off".
I got to the back and my BP was higher than it has been 131/86 but everything else was okay. I also put on 4 lbs in just over a week (annoying considering prior to this, I had only gained 15 lbs the ENTIRE pregnancy). I saw the doctor and she asked questions. Measured fundal height (measuring exactly on time). She also did a quick ultrasound to make sure baby is head down and that the fluid was measuring okay. It took a bit of looking around but the fluid measured okay. Baby's heart rate was in the 130s. She wanted me to run upstairs just to get checked to make sure I wasn't leaking fluid as well as just get on the monitors to be sure all was okay.
Three hours later -- All is well. I had a nice (but new to the hospital) doctor with the other new doctor who he was training. The nurses were all tied up -- a lot of deliveries happening today. It was the blind leading the blind with those two but they were nice and funny. They did a speculum exam and checked for fluid. Did a test to send to the lab. Couldn't find the other test so they had to go find the nurse to get it. She did the second test. Then they hooked me up to the monitors. I was contracting every 5-7 minutes. Baby looked good and my BP returned to normal. After a while the nurse came in and said to go ahead and get dressed while I wait for the doctor to discharge me. When the doctor came in to discharge me, he asked me if I was feeling the contractions and asked me how often I felt I was having them. Every 5-7 minutes that I have noticed over the last few days. Some more painful than others. So of course they want to check my cervix even after I am dressed.... Takes a bit of time to get these clothes off and on anymore LOL
So they checked and nothing huge to report here. Long high cervix dilated to 1cm. So not exciting at all. I was hoping that since they were in there digging, at least I could be a few cm dilated. They also did a quick ultrasound to check for fluids again. The deepest pocket of fluid was 5.7 and its considered adequate at 5. All of the swabs came back negative.... so on my way I went ....
Most likely I will deliver the last week of March. This is simply because it would be most inconvenient. My kids will all be home for spring break. My husband will be on podium teaching his students (makes it more challenging for him to get off to watch the kids all day while they are home from school). Oh and also, the most amazing doctor ever is on duty -- at night. So if I deliver at night, she will deliver me. If I deliver during the day -- I get whomever is on call. So the last week of March is what I am thinking for sure!
So anytime between now and April 12, expect a baby.... you know, any variation of normal! But at least the guys have more time to finish getting the nursery and hospital bags together!
As for me... I am still hoping for more macaroons and a St. Paddy's Day baby all the while I am contracting every 5-7 minutes -- well wishes to me for sanity friends!
Tuesday, February 6, 2018
Military Spouse of the Year 2018 Nomination!
Once again, I was nominated for the Military Spouse of the Year.
When you look at the pool of nominees, you see that they are making great waves in their communities. This program is a fantastic asset to the military spouse community. Please take the time to vote for me once a day for the next 3 days. I would be forever appreciative for your vote!
Vote for Melanie
If you want to read more about this program or about our 3 Stars & Stripes Doulas that have been nominated, read this blog.
I appreciate you!
When you look at the pool of nominees, you see that they are making great waves in their communities. This program is a fantastic asset to the military spouse community. Please take the time to vote for me once a day for the next 3 days. I would be forever appreciative for your vote!
Vote for Melanie
If you want to read more about this program or about our 3 Stars & Stripes Doulas that have been nominated, read this blog.
I appreciate you!
Monday, February 5, 2018
We are almost 32 weeks - MFM & OB Update
At close to 30 weeks, we had an appointment with the MFM for a growth scan. Everything looked great with peanut. She is in the 52nd percentile and growing just as she should. Everything is perfect with her. Here are some photos of her -- She was head down and facing the back so the photos aren't the best, but it's probably the last peek we have at her until she arrives on her birthday!
Fortunately the guys got to come to this appointment too - so they got to see her moving and all of her stats first hand.
When I first got there, they took my vitals. My pulse was high and my blood pressure borderline high. I have been watching both closely as the last surrogacy I was induced due to Pregnancy Induced Hypertension. My normal non-pregnant blood pressure is usually 90/60 and pregnant is usually 110/70. Lately my BP has been in the upper 130s/upper 80s which is not good. The blood pressure issues didn't start until around 36 weeks last time. Clinically, they are not concerned. They look at clinical levels rather than levels for the person. They induce at 37 wks if your levels are 140/90 twice - more than 6 hours apart. I do have an at home monitor to check this and make sure nothing gets past me, but when it is higher than my normal, I feel pretty crummy.
As for the pulse, my 130s almost got me sent to labor and delivery for monitoring that day. The MFM was concerned enough to want me to go and get an EKG done. I told him that this has been my normal for every single pregnancy Each pregnancy, I have runs of sinus tach and have had cardiac consults as well as holter monitors for 4 out of 4 pregnancies. By the end of the ultrasound exam (after being on the pulse ox the entire time), my heart rate was down to 100 and he was okay with me going home but getting an EKG at my next OB appt the next week.
Before leaving, he started talking about how I am pretty high risk for some things. Hemorrhage. Cesarean. Two words that tremendously scare me. As we all sat there, he spoke of how if he was the one caring for me, he would have blood products on hand and give me a new medication that aids in clotting even if I wasn't exhibiting signs of hemorrhage since I am at a higher risk since this will be my 5th delivery. Further, with past dystocia, they have started talking to me about cesarean to help prevent dystocia again.
I can't help but feel this cloud over my head. With that, we left knowing that I would follow up with my doctor the next week. Before my appointment, I get an email from my doctor asking me if I would like to schedule a cesarean to prevent dystocia. No. I would not.
I get to the appointment the next week and while I am there, the high risk committee (My chart was referred to them by the MFM) is calling my doctor twice urging me to have a scheduled cesarean as it is somehow safer for the baby and for me. The genetics and presentation are different this time. The baby does not have the same genes and hopefully will not be a solid 9 lbs when induced early. Also, hopefully this little girl will kindly not be born with a nuchal hand (she was born with her hand on
So with all of this, I am crossing off each day I am pregnant, trying to get the black cloud of doubt out of my head, and knowing that this pregnancy is going to be nice and healthy and the delivery is going to be perfect and everyone is going to be healthy because every other pregnancy has been like that! Why do medical professionals instill fear into us? I am glad my personal doctor is on my team, she makes me feel a lot more relaxed -- but there is still that nagging voice of the other....
Fortunately the guys got to come to this appointment too - so they got to see her moving and all of her stats first hand.
 |
| Head on photo |
 |
| Profile with hand by face |
As for the pulse, my 130s almost got me sent to labor and delivery for monitoring that day. The MFM was concerned enough to want me to go and get an EKG done. I told him that this has been my normal for every single pregnancy Each pregnancy, I have runs of sinus tach and have had cardiac consults as well as holter monitors for 4 out of 4 pregnancies. By the end of the ultrasound exam (after being on the pulse ox the entire time), my heart rate was down to 100 and he was okay with me going home but getting an EKG at my next OB appt the next week.
Before leaving, he started talking about how I am pretty high risk for some things. Hemorrhage. Cesarean. Two words that tremendously scare me. As we all sat there, he spoke of how if he was the one caring for me, he would have blood products on hand and give me a new medication that aids in clotting even if I wasn't exhibiting signs of hemorrhage since I am at a higher risk since this will be my 5th delivery. Further, with past dystocia, they have started talking to me about cesarean to help prevent dystocia again.
I can't help but feel this cloud over my head. With that, we left knowing that I would follow up with my doctor the next week. Before my appointment, I get an email from my doctor asking me if I would like to schedule a cesarean to prevent dystocia. No. I would not.
I get to the appointment the next week and while I am there, the high risk committee (My chart was referred to them by the MFM) is calling my doctor twice urging me to have a scheduled cesarean as it is somehow safer for the baby and for me. The genetics and presentation are different this time. The baby does not have the same genes and hopefully will not be a solid 9 lbs when induced early. Also, hopefully this little girl will kindly not be born with a nuchal hand (she was born with her hand on
her cheek and even had the bruising to prove it!) I am all about minimizing risk. My personal doctor told me that she would advise me closer to delivery if she thinks I need a cesarean, but at this time, she is not asking me to schedule one. She also has the chance of hemorrhage on her radar though I am not grand multipara until the 6th delivery.
So with all of this, I am crossing off each day I am pregnant, trying to get the black cloud of doubt out of my head, and knowing that this pregnancy is going to be nice and healthy and the delivery is going to be perfect and everyone is going to be healthy because every other pregnancy has been like that! Why do medical professionals instill fear into us? I am glad my personal doctor is on my team, she makes me feel a lot more relaxed -- but there is still that nagging voice of the other....
Saturday, January 20, 2018
29 weeks and A topic that I feel strongly about .... I will die on this hill...
So on Thursday - We got to 29 weeks! We are firmly in the 3rd Trimester. This is so exciting.
We have also had a little excitement these last few weeks. About 2 weeks ago I was having a lot of contractions. All day -- every 5-10 minutes. They weren't painful but they were noticeable. After a bit, I decided I should just make sure. I ran to triage. They hooked me up to the monitor to check on baby and contractions - she looked fantastic on the monitor even for being 27 weeks she was having accelerations add decelerations with movement which is just what they wanted. But I was having contractions every 7 minutes on the monitor. They did an examination and an ultrasound to check out cervical length and it was nearly 5cm which is really fantastic - So my uterus was irritated but it was causing no change. I took it easy for a few days and the contractions seemed to slow significantly.
Wednesday I took a spill on the ice -- right on my butt. Baby was moving fine, shes pretty well protected in there. Everything was good but I had to go to the chiropractor the next day to get fixed up! I was pretty jacked up.
Also since the last update, I was invited to the guy's baby shower. I cannot tell you what an honor it will be to meet their friends and have all of their friends and family be able to 'meet' their little girl for the first time! I am counting down the days until we get to all hang out!
Monday we have a growth scan to see how little girl is growing -- The guys will be coming to this so they will get to see her again!
*********
This is the part about the hill that I will die on -- it is long but still surrogacy related.
I am pretty passionate about all things in my life but there are few topics I am as passionate as surrogacy.
Yesterday I was in a doula facebook group where a surrogate was asking how much it was for a postpartum doula per hour so she could put it in her surrogacy contract. I made the point to say that she could ask for what she wanted but doulas are beneficial but not a necessity. Someone asked why I thought doula work is not a necessity and instead a luxury service. Simply put, a woman who has a baby that does not have a postpartum doula will live. At $40 an hour, to me, a postpartum doula is a luxury service. I say this from the kindest place I can come from as I am a labor and postpartum doula - I value myself. But this service is not for every single family - if you cannot afford it, you cannot have it; therefore it is a luxury service.
I posted this in my certification group. The responses fixated on the fact that it was a surrogate requesting the doula service rather than me saying that it was a luxury service and the conversation went wayward in a direction I could have never seen coming.
The responses fired me up. I had to eventually turn off notifications because I just could not invest anytime into the fact that these women/doulas have never been in the surrogacy world aside from some of them supporting either surrogates or intended parents during or after pregnancy.
There were comments like (these are not verbatim as I refuse to go back to the thread and get sucked in).
Let me tell you about the average Intended Parent. They do not drive luxury cars and live in a multimillion dollar house up on the Hill. They are living within their means. Many times they sell their decent cars to buy a beater so they can save that money for a surrogacy. They don't go on vacation for years. Many of them take out second mortgages on their houses and loans from family. Tell them that surrogacy is a luxury.
On average, surrogates are compensated about $30,000 over 10 months (9 months of pregnancy and one month postpartum) for pain and suffering and other living expenses. Plus these surrogates are given a $300 a month allowance for small expenses like prenatals, to pay for extra toilet paper and water for extra bathroom trips, mileage on car to appointments, etc. Add the start of medication fee (usually around $1000), maternity clothing $500-800. You get the point - over the course of 10 months, many surrogates are being compensated about $35,000.
But let's ask these intended parents for more money. Let's stretch them thin a little more for a postpartum doula. Surrogates have the ability to ask for ANYTHING in their contract. If they want it or need it, they can ask. Let me explain contracts. Before contracts even happen, a surrogate has had her records reviewed and been to a clinic to be medically cleared. This process can cost easily $5,000 for the IPs - for the travel for the surrogate and the doctors fees, medical tests and blood work. So after we have decided that the surrogate is a good candidate, we have created a bond. A lovely friendship is blooming and the Intended Parents have finally gotten a glimpse of parenthood - this is really going to happen. Then we get to contracts. Suddenly the rug is pulled from under the IPs. The surrogate starts asking for things they were not anticipating. Things that could cost thousands more than they anticipated. Where will they get this money from? If they say no, the surrogate could walk away and they could lose $5,000 from the medical screening process. If they say no, the surrogate they felt connected to will no longer be their surrogate and they are back to the drawing board -- finding a connection with a surrogate is hard.
So the answer that these doulas have is that the surrogate has the right to this service because she carried the baby for them and IPs should bend over backwards to accommodate that. No. The surrogate is making $35,000 for pain and suffering. The pain and suffering the birthing woman is having post birth should be covered by her 10th month of compensation for pain and suffering. If a surrogate does not see the value of postpartum doula services so that she will spend her own money on it, why does she expect to get it for free from someone else? (Either the doula not charging or the IPs paying for it ends up costing someone else other than the birthing person.) And by the way, my doula agency charges $1000 for labor doula clients -- I do have a small stipend in my contract for a labor doula -- it is less than a 1/3 of what we charge as an agency. If I choose to hire a doula for my birth and the cost is more than what is in my contract, then I will pay more for the service out of my own money, not ask my IPs for more money out of their pocket for this luxury service -- fortunately they wanted me to have a doula as they wanted to be involved with the baby care and be cheerleaders for me rather than feeling that they have to support me in ways that they are unsure of.
I obviously see the value of a postpartum doula. A postpartum doula offers physical, emotional and educational support during the postpartum transition period. Perhaps a surrogate could benefit from this in a way that others since she doesn't have the baby and has the feelings that come from that transition. However, if she cannot live without a doula during her postpartum transition -- SHE SHOULD NOT BE A SURROGATE. If she thinks she can benefit from a postpartum doula, massage, chiropractor, <insert luxury service in here> she may ask for this service but when IPs get to the point of contracts, sometimes they agree on something out of desperation. Resentment could build from this. (I am not saying this is the course in all cases!) Some IPS OFFER to pay for this and good for them, they want their surrogates supported -- but to say that an IP should pay for it if the doula asks no matter what, I can't get behind that.
I was accused of viewing the situation through one lens. I guess that is true. I will continue to view this topic through the lens of morals, compassion and sensitivity for the journey that brought the intended parents to surrogacy. I will never take advantage of intended parents. I will never ask them for things I should pay for myself no matter how much I can benefit from it. The doulas are also viewing the situation from one lens -- the lens in which they really don't know about surrogacy. Rose colored lenses.
You cannot change my opinion on this. I hear that postpartum doulas are beneficial and surrogates could greatly benefit but at whose expense? Doulas are a luxury service - if a surrogate wants postpartum support, she should pay for it.
We have also had a little excitement these last few weeks. About 2 weeks ago I was having a lot of contractions. All day -- every 5-10 minutes. They weren't painful but they were noticeable. After a bit, I decided I should just make sure. I ran to triage. They hooked me up to the monitor to check on baby and contractions - she looked fantastic on the monitor even for being 27 weeks she was having accelerations add decelerations with movement which is just what they wanted. But I was having contractions every 7 minutes on the monitor. They did an examination and an ultrasound to check out cervical length and it was nearly 5cm which is really fantastic - So my uterus was irritated but it was causing no change. I took it easy for a few days and the contractions seemed to slow significantly.
Wednesday I took a spill on the ice -- right on my butt. Baby was moving fine, shes pretty well protected in there. Everything was good but I had to go to the chiropractor the next day to get fixed up! I was pretty jacked up.
Also since the last update, I was invited to the guy's baby shower. I cannot tell you what an honor it will be to meet their friends and have all of their friends and family be able to 'meet' their little girl for the first time! I am counting down the days until we get to all hang out!
Monday we have a growth scan to see how little girl is growing -- The guys will be coming to this so they will get to see her again!
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This is the part about the hill that I will die on -- it is long but still surrogacy related.
I am pretty passionate about all things in my life but there are few topics I am as passionate as surrogacy.
Yesterday I was in a doula facebook group where a surrogate was asking how much it was for a postpartum doula per hour so she could put it in her surrogacy contract. I made the point to say that she could ask for what she wanted but doulas are beneficial but not a necessity. Someone asked why I thought doula work is not a necessity and instead a luxury service. Simply put, a woman who has a baby that does not have a postpartum doula will live. At $40 an hour, to me, a postpartum doula is a luxury service. I say this from the kindest place I can come from as I am a labor and postpartum doula - I value myself. But this service is not for every single family - if you cannot afford it, you cannot have it; therefore it is a luxury service.
I posted this in my certification group. The responses fixated on the fact that it was a surrogate requesting the doula service rather than me saying that it was a luxury service and the conversation went wayward in a direction I could have never seen coming.
The responses fired me up. I had to eventually turn off notifications because I just could not invest anytime into the fact that these women/doulas have never been in the surrogacy world aside from some of them supporting either surrogates or intended parents during or after pregnancy.
There were comments like (these are not verbatim as I refuse to go back to the thread and get sucked in).
- I don't know why you are so worked up - Surrogacy is a luxury service.
- The intended parents should support the surrogate no matter how she wants.
- A few thousand dollars is just a drop in the bucket when you look at the cost of surrogacy so the IPs won't even care as long as the surrogate feels supported.
- Would you feel the same way if the intended parents lived in a multimillion dollar mansion?
- They could choose another way to build their family other than surrogacy.
Let me tell you about the average Intended Parent. They do not drive luxury cars and live in a multimillion dollar house up on the Hill. They are living within their means. Many times they sell their decent cars to buy a beater so they can save that money for a surrogacy. They don't go on vacation for years. Many of them take out second mortgages on their houses and loans from family. Tell them that surrogacy is a luxury.
On average, surrogates are compensated about $30,000 over 10 months (9 months of pregnancy and one month postpartum) for pain and suffering and other living expenses. Plus these surrogates are given a $300 a month allowance for small expenses like prenatals, to pay for extra toilet paper and water for extra bathroom trips, mileage on car to appointments, etc. Add the start of medication fee (usually around $1000), maternity clothing $500-800. You get the point - over the course of 10 months, many surrogates are being compensated about $35,000.
But let's ask these intended parents for more money. Let's stretch them thin a little more for a postpartum doula. Surrogates have the ability to ask for ANYTHING in their contract. If they want it or need it, they can ask. Let me explain contracts. Before contracts even happen, a surrogate has had her records reviewed and been to a clinic to be medically cleared. This process can cost easily $5,000 for the IPs - for the travel for the surrogate and the doctors fees, medical tests and blood work. So after we have decided that the surrogate is a good candidate, we have created a bond. A lovely friendship is blooming and the Intended Parents have finally gotten a glimpse of parenthood - this is really going to happen. Then we get to contracts. Suddenly the rug is pulled from under the IPs. The surrogate starts asking for things they were not anticipating. Things that could cost thousands more than they anticipated. Where will they get this money from? If they say no, the surrogate could walk away and they could lose $5,000 from the medical screening process. If they say no, the surrogate they felt connected to will no longer be their surrogate and they are back to the drawing board -- finding a connection with a surrogate is hard.
So the answer that these doulas have is that the surrogate has the right to this service because she carried the baby for them and IPs should bend over backwards to accommodate that. No. The surrogate is making $35,000 for pain and suffering. The pain and suffering the birthing woman is having post birth should be covered by her 10th month of compensation for pain and suffering. If a surrogate does not see the value of postpartum doula services so that she will spend her own money on it, why does she expect to get it for free from someone else? (Either the doula not charging or the IPs paying for it ends up costing someone else other than the birthing person.) And by the way, my doula agency charges $1000 for labor doula clients -- I do have a small stipend in my contract for a labor doula -- it is less than a 1/3 of what we charge as an agency. If I choose to hire a doula for my birth and the cost is more than what is in my contract, then I will pay more for the service out of my own money, not ask my IPs for more money out of their pocket for this luxury service -- fortunately they wanted me to have a doula as they wanted to be involved with the baby care and be cheerleaders for me rather than feeling that they have to support me in ways that they are unsure of.
I obviously see the value of a postpartum doula. A postpartum doula offers physical, emotional and educational support during the postpartum transition period. Perhaps a surrogate could benefit from this in a way that others since she doesn't have the baby and has the feelings that come from that transition. However, if she cannot live without a doula during her postpartum transition -- SHE SHOULD NOT BE A SURROGATE. If she thinks she can benefit from a postpartum doula, massage, chiropractor, <insert luxury service in here> she may ask for this service but when IPs get to the point of contracts, sometimes they agree on something out of desperation. Resentment could build from this. (I am not saying this is the course in all cases!) Some IPS OFFER to pay for this and good for them, they want their surrogates supported -- but to say that an IP should pay for it if the doula asks no matter what, I can't get behind that.
I was accused of viewing the situation through one lens. I guess that is true. I will continue to view this topic through the lens of morals, compassion and sensitivity for the journey that brought the intended parents to surrogacy. I will never take advantage of intended parents. I will never ask them for things I should pay for myself no matter how much I can benefit from it. The doulas are also viewing the situation from one lens -- the lens in which they really don't know about surrogacy. Rose colored lenses.
You cannot change my opinion on this. I hear that postpartum doulas are beneficial and surrogates could greatly benefit but at whose expense? Doulas are a luxury service - if a surrogate wants postpartum support, she should pay for it.
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