This is a question that is commonly asked of the IPs. According to the general public, there are plenty of healthy newborn babies in hospitals just waiting to be taken home.... So why don't the Intended Parents just adopt one of these waiting babies?
Truth is, there are not a lot of healthy babies in hospitals just waiting to go home with adoptive parents. Also some parents like to have biological ties to their children and who are we to judge that desire? Truth is that some parents can see their newborn baby through adoption and just know that the baby is theirs. But some people just have an innate desire to parent a baby of their own or at least one of the parent's genetics.
This past weekend at church, the sermon was called "I am adopted!" It was about the moment that we are adopted by God and he becomes our Father. Without getting preachy I think about adoption and how it is a viable option for some couples to become parents. The pastor actually became a father through adoption. He and his wife struggled with infertility for years in their marriage. After 9 years of trying, they were blessed with their son through adoption. And again a few years later, they were blessed again with another newborn son from the same birth mother. Years later, they finally achieved pregnancy for themselves and they were blessed with a daughter. Do I think they share a special bond with one child over another? Absolutely not.
This video was shown at the beginning of the sermon. Jacob's Adoption Story It is a 9 minute video, but the last few minutes when the parents meet their baby and name him Jacob-- THAT is the moment of parenthood. The raw emotions that they showed over a baby they had wished for, prayed for and dreamed about. These emotions are not much different than what parents feel during surrogacy.
As the sermon came to an end, the pastor called the church members to pray for the children in the foster system and if they felt called by God to adopt, then they should check into it because there are 500,000 children in the system that need a home. In that moment I felt a little guilty... but only for a second. When I talked to my friend right after the sermon, I asked her "Why did they have to go and play that video?" as it had made me emotional. She looked at me and said "I know your situation is a little different, but I still pray for you and a positive outcome!"
When I got home, I messaged another friend that has moved but used to go to the same church and I told her she had to watch the sermon online because she wants to adopt from the foster system and I knew the sermon would move her like it moved me. I told her I felt a little guilty about surrogacy when there were all of these foster children and she said "God convicts us all in different ways!" She said that I am still helping people and I should not feel guilty for the way that I helping others to parenthood.
Even when you know with all of your heart that this is what you want to do, there are situations that put things into perspective. That change your view, that make you feel called to help somehow someway.
Adoption isn't for everyone. Surrogacy isn't either. Each are viable ways to parenthood and in each, it is a community of people helping the cycle evolve into a family as the end result.
Adoption has plenty of unknowns-- Will the birth mother follow through with the adoption? Will she regret the decision? How is the birth mother treating herself during the pregnancy? Is she taking care of herself and the baby? Will the birth mother choose you as she is looking through profiles?
Surrogacy has its own unknowns too, but the most positive aspect of surrogacy is the relationships and potential friendships you will forage. Intended parents have the opportunity to be involved in the pregnancy from the beginning to end and even after the pregnancy. (Adoption can have this as well but it is not necessarily the 'normal').
Either way a person becomes a parent is their own story. It is a story that they get to choose their children one day. The moment that you meet your baby-- that is a life changing moment whether it is through adoption, surrogacy, or natural pregnancy. Let happily ever after begin at that moment....
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