Hurry up and wait!

Hurry up and wait
So close, but so far away
Everything that you've always dreamed of
Close enough for you to taste
But you just can't touch

 

 

 

You wanna show the world, but no one knows your name yet
Wonder when and where and how you're gonna make it
You know you can if you get the chance
In your face as the door keeps slamming
Now you're feeling more and more frustrated
And you're getting all kind of impatient waiting

 

Not even the first day i was POAS! I started that at 3dpt to get it out of my system.  I thought I saw something on this test but I really was not sure!?

 

We live and we learn to take
One step at a time
There's no need to rush
It's like learning to fly
Or falling in love
It's gonna happen when it's
Supposed to happen and we
Find the reasons why
One step at a time

When you are unsure, you keep peeing!!!   This one was another -- is it there?  If I put a finger pointing to it, it must be so!  This one was actually at 4.25 -- the photo is mislabled!

You believe and you doubt
You're confused, you got it all figured out
Everything that you always wished for
Could be yours, should be yours, would be yours
If they only knew

If there is a line on a FRED (First Response Early Detection) then it must be true!! Totally knocked up and time to tell the IPs!

So I sent them an email that said "Happy Sunday-- Looks like we swapped weather.  It is raining here and blah blah blah.  Check out the beautiful photo of my family that I attached"

Except it wasn't my family!  It was the start of their family.  I sent the tests earlier than I usually would have as I got a negative digital test that morning since it was so early, but they were home together so I wanted them to celebrate together -- and that they did-- over a nice cup of tea!

 To which I got this response:

If you ever wondered WHY I am so passionate about surrogacy -- It is this right here!!

 

You wanna show the world, but no one knows your name yet
Wonder when and where and how you're gonna make it
You know you can if you get the chance
In your face as the door keeps slamming
Now you're feeling more and more frustrated
And you're getting all kind of impatient waiting

Progression of tests getting darker -- only compare like tests to each other because of the varying sensitivity.

 When you can't wait any longer
But there's no end in sight
when you need to find the strength
It's your faith that makes you stronger
The only way you get there
Is one step at a time

Digitals are so sensitive in the beginning -- it took me 4 to get the video above done!!

We live and we learn to take
One step at a time
There's no need to rush
It's like learning to fly
Or falling in love
It's gonna happen when it's
Supposed to happen and we
Find the reasons why
One step at a time

Blue dye tests are the devil!  They often have false negatives and positives-- how?  I still had 3 left so I must pee on all things!!!

We live and we learn to take
One step at a time
There's no need to rush
It's like learning to fly
Or falling in love
It's gonna happen when it's
Supposed to happen and we
Find the reasons why
One step at a time

Yes -- this means we are cautiously optimistic!  As of right now, we are pregnant!  I want to let all of my readers know just how optimistic I am.  I am elated.  I am ecstatic but I am also a realist.  My past journeys have left me feeling the 'what ifs?'  I am pretty sure that most surrogates feel this way at some point!  Like this is too good to be true!  I have had a miscarriage and a blighted ovum with past surrogacy attempts so I feel that right now, I cannot feel relaxed and quite honestly, I probably won't feel completely relaxed until E&L and baby are back in their home country many many months from now!

I also want to educate my readers on what the possible scenarios are.  On Monday April 27 and Wednesday April 29, I will have a quantitative beta done.  This blood test will tell us how much of the pregnancy hormone hCG is in my blood.  The placenta portion of the embryo begins making this hormone when it implants and then the placenta takes over.  In early pregnancy, the hCG or beta should double in about 48-72 hours.  Meaning if it is 100 on Monday, it should be around 200 on Wednesday and 400 by Friday.  (this is just a random number) 

If the number does not double normally, then the pregnancy can be what professionals consider a chemical pregnancy.  A chemical is essentially a pregnancy that ceases to grow to the point of being able to see anything on an ultrasound.  Generally this happens before the 5th week of pregnancy.  This is usually picked up during hCG testing.  The numbers will be slow to rise/double or they will be at a certain number and start decreasing slowly.  This is one of the reasons surrogates test so much.  We probably shouldn't but if you continue testing until your second beta, you might be able to tell if a chemical might happen if the tests get rapidly lighter.  Usually if this happens, the injectible hormones are stopped and the pregnancy passes naturally.  The RE follows that beta back to 0 before trying again. Chemical pregnancy is usually caused by a chromosomal issue according to Mayo Clinic.  Fortunately, this embryo was tested and genetically normal so our chances of this happening are at least slightly lower.

A blighted ovum is when there is a visible sac is on ultrasound and the embryo implants into the endometrial lining, but it stops growing before a heartbeat is visible.  This pregnancy starts out normally and hCG doubles normally but then just stops growing past the embryonic stage.  Sometimes REs stop medication and again this pregnancy is passed naturally. Sometimes a D&C is required which is a surgical intervention to remove the pregnancy from the uterus.  These are also usually chromosonal issues with the embryo to cause these.

There are also miscarriages.  This is the loss of a pregnancy anytime between the start of the heartbeat and the age of viability (which at a hospital with a high level NICU is now after 22 weeks!)  There isn't always an explanation for why these happen but sometimes it can be genetically abnormal embryos.  Sometimes it is low progesterone, incompetent cervix, or other uterine related issues.

And of course there is the last scenario-- a happy and healthy 9 month pregnancy where a healthy baby is delivered to his/her parents and everyone goes home with the warm and fuzzies.  I am totally going for the last scenario and I am feeling optimistic that this is it and we will be successful!!


Sorry for holding out on the results for so long. I had technological issues with taking the video.  The first one I took was sideways.  The second one I took, I was (am!) still very early and the urine was diluted from drinking so much water so it came up negative after all of that preparation.  So I had to wait until my levels of hCG got higher.  Each test has a different level that it starts reading as positive or makes a line.  Cheaper tests usually have a lower level. I did start getting positives at 4.25dpt, but I wasn't sure if I was seeing things or not!    So I waited, and kept peeing, and waited and kept peeing.  Like any good surrogate does!  So when I finally got the video recorded, I added the song and my computer wouldn't recognize my phone.  So my husband put it on our network for me except the song didn't stay with the video so I had to make a video on my computer and add a song.  See peeing on a stick is far more than just peeing on a stick!! 

So while we are taking this one step at a time, here are the next steps:

Beta on 4-27 and 4-29
Ultrasound to see heartbeat around 5-12 when we will be about 7 weeks pregnant
Mark you calendars-- this baby will be due around December 30!