To start my birth story, I have to rewind back to the week and the update the week before where my doctor didn't think I would make it to my due date then add to that, the doctor at triage thought I could be in early labor. I gently urged E&L to come a bit earlier and they said they would come on December 20 rather than December 23 (39 Weeks). Eventually with changes, they opted to come in on Sunday December 13. I knew that L had work obligations so I felt bad that I was trying to get them here earlier. I knew if they came early, we would deliver on time, but if they chose to come at 39 weeks, surely we would deliver early.
On Monday December 14, we had a brunch with Team Teacup and took the fun photos that were in the other blog post. The next day, was a horrible day that consisted of a ton of running. I went to have lunch in Fredericksburg with my godmother and others and they were to bring me my breast pump that they were working on a bag for and also a case of oranges I had delivered. They forgot both of these items. I woke up that morning just feeling off with a terrible headache and it didn't let up all day. My blood pressure was high, but no higher than at other appointments so I just brushed it off. I got back home with my toddler and decided to drive down to my godmother's to get my stuff but also decided to take Piper there to spend a few days because I just had this feeling that teacup would be coming soon. I packed up her bag, got back on the road and drove down there only to turn around and quickly drive back home to get my other kids off of the bus. By the time I got halfway home, I realized I had forgotten her carseat in my truck and had to turn around and go back and meet my godfather halfway to his house to give the carseat. I had driven 7 hours by the time I got home. By this point I was utterly exhausted and my head was pounding. When I got home, my blood pressure was 120/99 with one cuff and 136/96 with another which is astronomically high for me. My normal is 90/60 or close to that. I decided I needed to go over to triage to get checked out because I was feeling awful.
E&L decided to meet me there and they sat in the room with me while getting examined and monitored. At this time, I was still 3cm and contracting but my BP was high on the monitor as well. I just felt flat out awful. The doctor came in and said she would speak with her department head as she thought inducing that night was best. I honestly did not want to induce that night because I could not imagine contractions and pushing with that bad of a headache.
At this time E&L brought up an issue with photography and we sorted that out. I guess the laws are different in the UK as to how contracts by photographers are written but we needed to know in advance how we all wanted to see the photographer's work play out. They respected my desire to be able to tell my story through the eyes of my wonderful friend and photographer Julie, but did not want any photos taken of their baby by her. So the entire labor was photographed, but the moments where Baby A were born, there are no photos -- she did resume capturing my story after the delivery too. So when looking through the photos I post, you will understand why the moments the parents met their daughter for the first time are not posted.
The doctor came back in and actually told me to go home and rest, and to go to my OB appointment the next morning at 8 to be reevaluated by my own doctor. So with that, we went home and got there around midnight only to wake up early the next morning to head for an appointment. E&L met me there as well. When I got to the doctor, my BP was again very high for me. Dr. J asked me to undress to do a cervical exam and she would be going to make a phone call. When she came back, she said I would be heading for L&D after my appointment to be induced and to grab my bag from the car on the way up. So it was real. That day would be the day we would be welcoming teacup into the world. For the exam I was still 3cm but more effaced and she opted to strip my membranes to see if that would get labor started. By the time I got my clothes back on, the cramping started immediately. We walked out, made some quick phone calls and grabbed my bag from the car and headed to be admitted.
When we got up to the room, I changed into my laboring clothes -- a plain black soft skirt and a fun printed nursing tank. Let's get this show started. I assured everyone that I would be an easy patient and that my last pitocin labor was just 5 hours from the start of pitocin to the delivery of my baby so I would make this easy for them. The nurse, Inez came in and seemed to be a fit for the team and the corpsmen all came in to be introduced to us. E&L took this time to leave and go to their house, pick up stuff and go to the grocery store to grab snacks. The on call doctor came in and again checked me and said that I was now 4cm and he again stripped my membranes. Fabulous, this would go easy as the membrane stripping was already working and I had come to this deck already contracting. Technically, by 8:30am, labor had already started as I was contracting every 5-7 minutes! It took hours to get the order for pitocin but I knew I wouldn't need much anyway. I had only had a yogurt for breakfast because I was not expecting to deliver that morning but since it was so early, I knew I would be in the mother/baby unit by dinner time, maybe even lunch time and would get some food there!
By 12, the pitocin was started and we were on our way. Though the contractions were regular, they were not hurting. But again, they didn't hurt but for 45 minutes for Piper's delivery either. I was happy, smiling and cruising right through labor. My amazing doula popped out some nail polish and painted my toes to get them push ready for teacup's big debut. We were supposed to be getting pedicures instead of having a baby that day, so she still treated me to some polish! By 5, my doctor came from clinic and she checked on me after I had pitocin for 5 hours and I was... still a 4. She said maybe even still a 3 but I was more effaced at least -- progress is progress. L would ask the doctors checking when I was going to dilate more and seemed a little disappointed each time I was checked that I had not progressed any. (No way I was feeling any less defeated than her though lol) I knew that I go from 5 to 10 in 45 minutes so I tried not to be upset about it. We opted to have my water broken at this point to see if it would settle her down a little lower and closer to the cervix to help with that dilation and effacement. As the night wore on, I got a new nurse for the night shift. Her name was Monica and she was just the energy I needed.
Much of the day E&L were in and out of the room and they mostly sat quietly in the corner observing. They took many walks around the campus and took turns napping on the couch through out the early part of the night. My husband popped in with the kids after school to say hi to me because they were just as much of a part of this journey as any of us. Fortunately when they came, I was not in a lot of pain so I was able to visit with them for a few before I became irritable. It was important for them to see that I was okay and that I would be okay.
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| I am sure the nurses in the halls thought Weston was going to be a new big brother wearing this shirt, but the truth is, he is already an awesome big brother to his sister Piper! |
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| "Before bump, After Skinny. You're doing great mom!" |
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| The two men in my life! |
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| Love this man! |
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| Love from the other man in my life! |
Lunch came and went. Dinner came and went. My body was working really hard and yet I had nothing to show for it. I was not dilating. I was so afraid that they would start that clock and try to say I had failure to progress. All the while, my doula and photographer were by my side, cracking me up, helping me to the bathroom with all of the equipment to be unhooked and the IV to follow. I think it was at this point, that I started asking for steak and baked potatoes with all of the fixins. My IPs had brought snacks in and they were sitting across the room on the counter. Staring at me. People were eating in the room. I was not allowed to eat and it was making me grumpy. I had to have Melissa get my IPs to put the food away because I was beyond stabby for food at this point. Hearing people eat (I have misophonia), was making me crazy and even worse, I was just flat out starving and my body was doing all of this hard work and I was not allowed to eat more than popcicles and jello.
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| See the buffet of food behind the kids? So close yet so far away. What a tease when I was STARVING! |
At around 10, the pain started getting more serious. It wasn't awful, but I could definitely feel pressure in my bottom and under my pubic bone. Prior to labor, I was having pretty serious pain while at home with my lower back/pelvis and my pubic bone. It would get so intense that I would have to hold the wall or furniture to walk through the rooms. Suddenly, this pain was intensified.
I thought for sure that with this pain and pressure, I was hitting transition. I started feeling sick to my stomach. Shaking. I messaged my husband at 11 and told him she would be here soon. I had not been checked, but I just knew she would be soon as the pain was incredible. Last time, transition only lasted about 30-45 minutes and pushing was quick. My husband came to the hospital and sat in the room for a bit. My doula started double hip squeeze with every contraction. The pain was unbearable. I had a pitocin augmented natural labor in the past, but I could not handle this pain. It was so bad that I thought my pelvis would break in half. I felt like I was being ripped open and it felt like my pubic bone was breaking. I have never felt this kind of pain in my life. I was not comfortable in any position. Melissa was doing the double hip squeezes no matter where I was-- walking to the bathroom, she would drop to her knees and squeeze my hips through a contraction until i could continue walking. Even on the toilet, she was squeezing my hips. I tried to labor for a bit on an exercise ball and nothing was giving relief. I even tried being on my knees hugging the back of the bed.
The midwife on call that night came in and checked me and I was only 5cm. I felt like I was dying and I had only dilated about 1 cm and had been on pitocin for 12 hours and in labor for closer to 16 hours. My photographer put down her camera and started helping my doula with pain management because I was in that bad of pain and my doula definitely needed some extra hands. This time period is a bit of a blur but I don't know where anyone else was at this time... no one was in the room with me except Julie and Melissa. We had my oil diffuser going with Citrus Bliss in it and we were listening to Casting Crowns Christmas station on Pandora. Even though the pain was incredible, the atmosphere with these two ladies at my side was serene. I never felt like I lost control. They kept my head in the game and were able to manage my pain and anxiety by talking quietly to me and just helping through each and every contraction.
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| My box of oils was a must to come to the hospital with me! |
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| All of the nurses loved the citrus bliss and then the serenity that we were diffusing. |
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| Because Kurt loves selfies and Julie had put the camera down so Kurt took over as official photographer for a bit! |
I went into the bathroom with my doula and I told her that I knew I didn't want an epidural, but that it was time. I just could not continue with this pain. She looked at me and said "Will you regret this if you get it?" I told her I wouldn't that it was better that I get the epidural try to relax some and make progress. I was exhausted from laboring for 16 hours with no food and I just needed something as a break. They called the nurse in and they ordered the epidural. In the meantime, I had to ask for something for the nausea because I just felt terrible. At around 1am (maybe a little later?), the epidural was placed. Somehow I was able to sit through that with the pain and even while sitting up on the bed, when a terrible contraction came, my doula reach around me and squeezed my hips while the anesthesiologist was preparing my back for the procedure. Before the doctor left, I told him I could still feel my left leg. The pain was still there and it was still unbearable. The nurse had me lay on my left side for a while to see if the position would have the medicine drop down to that side. It never worked. My left leg and all of the way up, I felt absolutely everything. My right leg was dead weight.. but I could feel from the thigh up. I could not move that leg at all. At this time E&L were given a room to sleep in across the hall. My husband went home to relieve the babysitter. Delivery was no where in sight with being only halfway dilated.
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| This was after the epidural and the pain was no better. |
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| Wishing that the rest of the labor would progress so that the pain could stop. |
The night nurse Monica sat in my room the entire time after the epidural. Julie headed home for a quick nap too. Melissa was a sport and had been 'on duty' now for 16 hours and she had been working hard. Her work didn't stop because I was still feeling contractions. She was still having to do the hip squeezes. I can tell you that when she did not push, it was flat out miserable. That squeeze technique was hard on her, but it was the only thing that made laboring bearable on me. Around 3:30, I was still making it known that I wanted steak. I must have mentioned steak at least 3,563 times. Nurses would come in and say "Is there anything I can do for you?" and I would say "yeah, find me a steak!" I got checked again and I was a 7. Finally, some remarkable progress. I somehow napped between two contractions at this point and got my second wind.
With minimal pushing, we realized why I had been experiencing such bad pain. Teacup's head was born looking at the ceiling and that meant the back of her head was on my tail bone and her face was on my pubic bone. Back labor was incredibly painful but now there was a reason for it. At this point, her head was out and suddenly the resident looked a bit panic stricken. She froze. Finally, the midwife observing started talking sternly but calmly telling the doctor to rely on her training and team. Then the room was put into action. Teacup had shoulder dystocia which meant that one of her shoulders was stuck behing my pubic bone. Later we would find out that her she had a nuchal arm and her arm was bent with her hand up by her chin and that would be how she was born -- with her arm up causing the dystocia. At this time, the nurse threw my knees back to the bed and I was in some kind of weird yoga position and expected to push from that position. I knew that shoulder dystocia wasn't good but I didn't have time to be panicked. I had a job to do. The resident did suprapubic pressure (meaning she took her hand and pushed very hard on my pubic bone while I was pushing her out to allow for a different pelvic position). With just a few more pushes, Aggy was born and put right into her mother's arms. I missed this moment because mom's back was to me so I really felt a little sad that I had worked for a year(well really 7 since my start of surrogacy) to see *that* moment and I missed it. I am not sure if E caught a photo of this moment, if there is, I haven't seen it. But my friend and photographer respected their wishes and put the photo down as soon as Aggy was born for her privacy so we didn't get a photo of it on our end. But this story isn't all about me. I know they were elated and happy but I wish I could have seen her face at that moment when becoming a mom became real. The baby was a bit slow to cry as the doctor said she acted stunned.
Due to the dystocia, the NICU team was called in to make sure she was okay. There was not time for the cord to pulsate, so E came over and cut the cord. When he cut the cord, blood shot all over the room, straight up my bed, in my face, and on the wall behind me. It was probably the strangest thing that has ever happened in my life. The placenta took a bit to deliver but all was good. I am glad the midwife was in the room to guide the resident because she would have panicked and the outcome could have been totally different. Also, the resident really wanted to pull traction on the placenta to help it deliver but the midwife told her to be patient. I didn't realize how serious shoulder dystocia could be until I read about it afterbirth but some of the scenarios included a horrible episiotomy, breaking the baby's collar bone to help collapse the shoulders to aid in delivery and on some occasions (though rare) it can cause death of the baby. There were many NICU team in there and I didn't realize how many until I saw photos after the birth. The room went from having about 11 people in it to having about 25 people in it. Good thing these birthing suites are so spacious. When the placenta was delivered, the doctor was checking to see if I needed stitches. Perhaps the most amusing event in the whole labor/delivery was when the doctor (who does this every day) commented "Your vagina looks beautiful. I hope mine looks this great after having babies!"
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| Sorry for posting this one, but I am a birth junkie! This is what kept baby Aggy alive and well for 9 months. The placenta is an amazing thing!! |
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| This image shows A's position and how the McRobert's maneuver and suprapubic pressure was performed to avoid an episotomy and/or breaking the baby's collar bone due to the arm being up close to the face. |
She weighed in at 8lbs11oz and was 21inches long (I think that was her length -- I can tell you everything about my own kids but quickly forget about her stats). Mom and dad were instantly in love. While the baby corpsmen were cleaning her up, L came over and told me her name as it had not been announced before that moment. She gave me a hug and we cried. Nearly everyone in the room cried. Hence my doula's new nick name "Crying Doula" How could you not cry in a moment like this. While they were getting to know their baby, I pumped for a bit and was able to get 10mL of colostrum while updating everyone on my phone. I was also able to order some breakfast. Labor had started at 0830 the morning before when I showed up to L&D with my membranes stripped and at this point, it was around 5:30 - 6 and I was starving.
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| Pumping and updating FB with the information from the birth! |
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| Aggy's first meal! (She got food before I did!) |
Meanwhile I was up and down heading for the bathroom and my wonderful doula and Julie both were with me for every step of the way. The IPs were on their side of the room and they were my support to help me get through the first few hours physically and emotionally. While in the bathroom one time, Melissa was doing unsavory jobs like preparing pads and chucks for me and cleaning up the floor if I made a mess, the nurse from the day before came in to take my vitals. She actually got snippy and told me to hurry up and use the bathroom because she needed to take my vitals before she could go see the baby. At that moment, I truly realized my job was over and it was kind of a defeating feeling. For MY nurse (the baby had her own) to just throw me to the side like that and treat me like a burden or road block instead of a patient, it really sucked. I tried to be the best patient I could for everyone, not asking for things that I wanted or needed because I just don't like to bother people but since she had faced infertility and had her son through IVF in her 40s, suddenly I was just the vessel that had delivered the baby.
Once we got over the mother/baby unit, my IPs asked the nurses for a separate room but in the state of Virginia, a surrogate is treated like a birth mother and cannot sign over rights until 72 hours after birth therefore Baby Aggy had to stay in the room with me. The nurses were excellent and gave us the biggest room on the floor -- one they usually use for training. It was really an odd feeling going from leading role to supporting role. I was in the bed in the room and the new happy family was on the other side of the curtain drawn between us. It was almost like we were in a hospital as roommates. I continued to try to pump the whole day and I just wasn't producing. It was really defeating to pump every 2 hours around the clock and not even get an ml. I was very lucky to have a few friends visit and to have Melissa (crying doula lol) come and see me so that I could focus on really just going over my whirlwind delivery and have someone to talk to. That night, I put ear buds in, set my alarm and listened to my night music because I had not gotten more than a 20 minute nap in 36 hours and my body had just run an ultra marathon with little to no food. I set my alarm for 2 hours and just got up to pump for 30 minutes. The IPs did get a second room so that they could take turns sleeping in there, but they were not able to take the baby with them so one sat with her in the room with me while the other caught up on sleep. The next morning we were all released and able to head onto what our new normal was.
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| The curtain that was drawn during the hospital stay to create separate rooms. |
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| Time to be released from the hospital! |
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| The only time I got to hold Baby A before she went home to UK. |
I think the most unexpected part is how quickly my role changed. I went from being checked on to see how I was doing to sending messages checking on them. But I was trying not to overstep my boundaries as I was not a parent. But I still felt the desire to know how the new parents and baby was doing just the same as if my good friend or cousin just had a baby. But as a surrogate who just carried this baby, I felt like I was bothering them but I still just wanted to know that everything was okay. You don't go from carrying a baby to not caring about how the whole family is doing and wanting to see the conclusion. Fortunately E was coming over daily to grab the milk I was pumping but even that didn't last too long as they said that A was refusing my BM at 6 days old.
I delivered on Thursday morning and I got to see them all briefly on Sunday morning at Starbucks to sign the papers to send to the attorney to make them legally the parents. I was given a beautiful card and beautiful Tiffany's bracelet. Baby A sat in her carseat with a blanket over her but I was able to grab a quick photo of her before we left to head to my godmother's for the day.
The following week was Christmas and life passed by quickly. Ultimately, I was able to see the happy family one more time (though Baby Aggy was again sleeping in her carseat with a blanket over her so I didn't get to hold her) before they left just 2 weeks after she was born. The attorney was able to get the paperwork expedited and the left far sooner than anyone expected. The day before they left, my husband and I had plans with his work and we were not able to get together prior to them heading back to the UK. I guess my only regret was not being able to say bye to everyone and snag another photo while holding Aggy when I was feeling better and more rested. But that's okay...
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| Heading home on New Year's Eve. |
People often ask me if I miss her... truth is, I don't. I don't expect everyone to understand this. We are all wired a little differently. It's surreal thinking that I carried this baby who is completely a stranger to me. I miss hearing from the IPs daily but I know they are settling into their new normal and falling in love with their little girl more every day. I drive by the hospital and think "wow, I was just there 7 weeks ago, delivering a baby that is nothing more than a memory now...' That 9 months led up to a moment that was over so fast (even though it was a very long labor).... My life returned to normal within a few days. Life never stopped for the pregnancy and really it barely even slowed down for the delivery too. There was no recovery, it was just back to life as I knew it again with in a day or two. Now I just have the satisfaction of pumping every 3 hours around the clock for premature babies and knowing that I still continue to make a difference in someone's life daily. I am very content with where I am right now but I do look forward to carrying another baby for a couple in the future... I am excited for my future... I am excited to see who Aggy becomes and I do love getting the weekly or so updates from E&L with photos or just saying 'Hey! We read your blog!' I am very lucky for this relationship to continue and to get these updates because not all surrogates have continued contact...
Now that the pregnancy is over... where will this blog go? Will I stop writing it? You know, I am not sure. I have followers from all over the world. I believe I will keep writing in this blog even for future journeys or just life in general for now until I figure out what is next.... I have a lot to say and by keeping this blog active, we will continue to educate those who stumble upon it and show them what normal surrogacy looks like-- not the sensationalized media stories we all hear... so for now, I will keep this one going and reevaluate in the future!
I know this has been the longest entry yet, but I hope you have enjoyed my birth story. When I think about things I have forgotten, I will likely come back and add to it.. it will always change as I think of something important to include! I also hope you enjoyed my photos and realize that they were totally worth the 7 week wait. Some of them were a bit bitter sweet as a reminder that this is over... I just cant believe how quickly things changed and shifted... I did have my 6 week postpartum visit today and my OB recommended me for another surrogate pregnancy in the future so that was music to my ears!
Next up, I will post my IF's version of the birth story and finally, my doula's perspective of the birth story. It is pretty special to have all of these different accounts of what happened on that beautiful day!
To Check out the photographer who captured these beautiful images, please go to Julie Gayler Photography Facebook Page
Beautiful, absolutely beautiful. I loved reading this post.
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