Here is Crying Doula's version of birth. One of the things she didn't add in there was about our quiet time in the bathroom. I found myself in the bathroom about every 10 minutes during the birth. This is where we had our most private conversations and she checked in on how I was doing emotionally and physically where I didn't have to hide my thoughts from anyone. Having a doula is an amazing thing. Having a doula for the surrogacy was necessary for me. Gaining a friend out of it... priceless!!
The Birth of Baby
Teacup from the Perspective of “The Crying Doula”
In
September of 2015 I received a few notifications on Facebook where I was
mentioned as a referral for a local woman looking for an “excellent doula” for
a “unique situation” with availability near Christmas. I gave it some thought and decided that if I
felt a good connection, I would be willing to be available at Christmas for a
special birth. Fortunately, when I
reached out, I met Melanie. As all of
you know as her friend or even just getting to know her through the blog—she is
an incredible, selfless, and strong
woman—and agreeing to support her during Baby Teacup’s birth was an easy
decision. When she shared with me that
she was a gestational surrogate I was nervous as I knew very little about
surrogacy but honored at the same time to be able to support such an incredible
woman and gain knowledge about surrogacy in the process. The excitement got even sweeter when I read
her blog and got to know L&E through her beautiful words.
Melanie and I had a few prenatal
meetings where we got to know one another, discussed her birth preferences, and
she taught me Surrogacy 101. What I
found was that not only was Melanie an amazing client but became such a dear
friend which is always a blessing in the military world. I also enjoyed getting to know L&E
through email as we all worked together to create a birth preference plan which
encompassed Melanie’s birthing wishes and L&E’s wishes for Teacup. Birth plans are sometimes controversial in
the hospital birth world as birth is unpredictable and sometimes doctors and
nurses can view these well-intentioned plans as rigid lists that set birthing
women up for disappointment when or if things don’t go as she has put into
writing. That being said, with the
uniqueness of Baby Teacup’s birth, having a flexible birth preference plan in
place made the most sense to ensure Melanie, L&E, myself, and all of the
care providers had an idea about the vision L&E had for the birth of their
daughter and for Melanie’s care during her birth.
As the end of November/beginning of
December approached Melanie and I shared some phone calls that will forever be
some of my favorite memories! It
appeared Baby Teacup was eager to join this world but it was hard to tell just
when that would be. I had the
opportunity to hang out with Melanie in triage for a bit for an assessment
which gave me a nice peek inside the labor and delivery wing the hospital that she would deliver, which is gorgeous!
We also met an amazingly kind nurse that night that left a lasting
impression on me through her gentle and compassionate care of Melanie. Melanie and I also spent a lot of time
discussing when to have L&E travel in and it was a hard decision for Melanie
to contemplate and one that she did not make lightly for fear that she would
give them the “go ahead” and Teacup would settle herself back into her cozy
environment. Fortunately, when she gave them the “go ahead” it wasn’t much
longer before Baby Teacup would join this world.
On December 14th Team
Teacup had a beautiful brunch together to meet one another and snap some fun
photos, as you saw previously on the blog.
This was a great way to put faces to names and really ensure everyone
was ready to work together to support both Melanie and L&E as Baby Teacup
entered the world. We also had a lot of
fun watching E chase Piper around the neighborhood and park and I think it gave
L a tiny glimpse of her future. It was a
sweet moment. We parted ways with plans
to get together later in the week for tea in Old Town Alexandria.
As luck would have it, Melanie knows her body and Baby Teacup
was showing signs at Melanie’s doctor’s appointment on the 16th that
she was ready. Melanie could now feel
comfortable knowing she had called L&E at just the right time to travel in
and have a bit of time to get settled before the journey ahead. Melanie messaged me that morning that they
were sending her to labor and delivery and with that I put my kiddos on the bus
and headed her way.
When I arrived everyone was in good
spirits! L&E had run home to gather their belongings, Melanie was getting
settled and comfortable in her beautiful birthing environment, and Kurt was
helping set her up with love and encouragement.
I was eager to know the plan and excited that the nurse and doctor(s)
that were caring for Melanie really were interested in the birth plan and were
ready to ensure both Melanie and L&E felt supported in welcoming Baby
Teacup. Melanie was calm, collected, and
her usual cheery self, making everyone laugh with her wit and humor!
The morning and afternoon progressed
rather easily and light-heartedly as we laughed, talked about life, and stories
of how quickly Melanie’s other births were.
We all anticipated Teacup would arrive before dinner. Melanie had a steady flow of care providers
and hospital staff coming through to check on her, make sure all of the plans
for both Melanie and L&E were in place, and at one point the baby nurses
were even jokingly “fighting” about who would call dibs on being a part of this
amazing experience. It was all in great
fun. As Melanie and I had already had
big plans to get pedicures that day, in true doula fashion, I whipped out some
nail polish and prepared those toes for the big day! I don’t think the doctors or nurses had ever
seen a patient so easy-going, laid-back, or comfortable during her labor as to
be in such a great, laughing mood and enjoy a pedicure during the
experience. Melanie had promised Nurse
Sanchez she would be delivering Baby Teacup prior to shift change so the team
was ready and excited.
As evening approached, shift change
came and went, and hunger set in, things got a bit more serious. Melanie was still her sweet and happy-self,
of course, but she was ready to hand Teacup over to her loving parents so she
could enjoy a nice juicy steak, baked potato with all the fixin’s, and maybe
some broccoli. Nurse Monica thought
broccoli might be too gassy which made us laugh even more as we debated which
dish Melanie should order from Outback Takeout because most certainly Teacup
would be here before they closed. We
somehow began taking bets on how big Miss Teacup would be since she decided her
grand entrance was necessary three weeks early…little did we know, Nurse Monica
means business when it comes to winning bets! She got out some paper, a pen,
and recorded everyone’s guesses with a right to change her guess since she was
the nurse! This is how the early evening
went, light-hearted, easy, and so much
laughter…but as late evening approached the discomfort began to really
set-in. (Melanie adding this -- None of us guessed that teacup would be as big as she was either! We were all in the lower 7-8 lb range)
Melanie had been quite active
throughout the labor experience getting up and down to use the restroom often,
stretching and standing, lunging and rocking throughout the day. As things became more uncomfortable in her lower
back and pelvis Melanie had a sneaking suspicion that Baby Teacup just might be
positioned posteriorly but the midwife neither confirmed nor denied this and
said to just keep moving and stay positive.
Intuition sure is a powerful
thing! So we got the birth ball out
and Melanie kept moving, rocking, swaying…I asked if counter-pressure would help
and we tried that with no relief. She
asked if I would try the double hip squeeze and voila! That was what her body needed. I have tried this with several other women
and she was the first to find it helpful and necessary. Once this began she absolutely needed that
pressure and relief the hip squeeze provides to cope through her
contractions. She began getting quite
shakey, nauseous, and even lightly pushy so we though with certainty that
transition was here and got L&E ready…but it was just not the case
yet. At this point Melanie had been in
labor for over 16 hours, had only water, popsicles, and jello for nourishment,
and had very little sleep the night before so it was normal to expect that she
was exhausted but at the same time, she was determined and ready to work hard
to bring Teacup into the world. We got
the diffuser going, beautiful music going, dim lights, and talked quietly and
gently as Julie pushed one hip and I pushed the other and Melanie breathed
beautifully through each contraction.
After several hours of coping but
really feeling exhausted after so much energy and hard work Melanie made the
decision to ask for an epidural. We had
discussed during her prenatal visits that epidurals can be wonderful tools to
assist in relaxation and progression when exhaustion sets in and she was
certain Teacup would make a speedy grand entrance so we didn’t focus much
attention on epidurals but we knew that this was something Melanie was open to
should a need arise. When Melanie
decided she wanted the epidural I, like I do with every client, wanted to make
sure that she was confident in the decision and there was nothing else she
wanted to try before calling the doctor in.
Melanie is extremely educated about birth so I had no doubt that she was
making the best decision and I quickly got Nurse Monica to find the
anesthesiologist. Unfortunately, I don’t
think he had ever seen a double hip squeeze before and I certainly couldn’t
stop them so I squeezed during every contraction right up until he administered
the medication. He was patient and
understanding but of course my hands were dangerously close to his “work space”
so I understood his hesitation. All in
all though, he, like most of the other staff, was very willing to accommodate
Melanie’s needs for comfort. I didn’t
tell Melanie but inside I was JUST a bit nervous as this was the first epidural
I had witnessed. I have had two
epidurals and several spinal taps so I am not unfamiliar with the process but
generally speaking my clients either have to be alone in the room with the
staff as support or have their significant other as their plus one during this
experience so I felt both honored to be part of yet another educational
opportunity and experience and nervous that I wouldn’t know exactly how to
support Melanie best during the procedure.
Fortunately, it went as planned and Melanie, like always, was amazingly
strong during the entire thing.
Unfortunately, once the medication began to set in, only one side of
Melanie’s body was numbing up. I
continued hip squeezes and encouraged Melanie to rest between contractions.
Right around 4am Melanie told me she
was feeling the urge to push and asked if I could get her nurse quickly (as we
know when it’s time for Melanie, it is time!) and she came in and checked and I
gently reminded her of the section of the birth plan that says not to speak the
forbidden words (hint hint: labor down) so with that they said “okay, then
let’s see what you got…” and said “whoa, wait, get everyone in here!” so I
hurried and texted L&E and Julie and told them it’s REALLY TIME and to
hurry! I got Melanie’s (dead—haha!) right leg and Nurse Monica got the
other. If it tells you anything about
the mood, Nurse Monica was STILL joking about me having the “bum leg” and her
having the “easy” leg at this point and while Melanie was still working
incredibly hard she managed to chuckle a bit!
She is such a STRONG woman! So,
with that all of my attention focused to Melanie. I could hear that there were a lot of people
in the room but my only focus was on her.
She gave several mighty pushes then suddenly the resident froze—my heart
jumped—and the next thing I know I hear “shoulder dystocia” and the nurse is
pushing me to force Melanie’s leg up to what felt like her ears! It was the first dystocia I had witnessed and
after the minor little freeze up, the team moved like the experts they were and
applied suprapubic pressure and sweet little Teacup was born quickly into L’s
arms. Melanie and I looked at each other
with a “whoa, I don’t know if L&E realized what just happened” look but it
explained so much of the discomfort Melanie was feeling. Then, L came over and shared sweet baby
Teacup’s name and hugged Melanie and I don’t think there was a dry eye in the
room. I made the mistake of “bragging”
to Nurse Monica about how I have not cried at a birth (other than my own) and
when the special moment came the tears just began to flow…hints the nickname,
“The Crying Doula”.
Like superwoman, Melanie recovered
quickly and was back to asking for her steak and baked potatoes shortly after
she was cleaned up and comfortable.
Unfortunately, Outback was indeed closed but they managed to find her a
breakfast menu and she was able to order as much as her sweet heart desired. We packed up and moved everything to the
postpartum area where they had yet another generous sized room. It didn’t take long before the amazing
Melanie was up and moving around situating her things, showering and freshening
up, and reflecting upon the events that had just transpired. I left Melanie to rest while I went home and
got a little sleep myself before coming up to spend some time with her later
that day. When I arrived Melanie gifted
me the most beautiful essential oil diffusing necklace and balance oil. In true Melanie fashion, she had so
thoughtfully and kindly taken the time to have something so special
personalized for me. Once again, I got a
little teary eyed!
I cannot thank Melanie and L&E
enough for the honor and privilege to be part of this amazing experience. I have learned so much about surrogacy,
special birth experiences, and made an incredible friend in the process. Melanie truly is one of the most remarkable
women I have ever met. Every decision
made during the pregnancy and birth Melanie carefully considered what was best
for Teacup, what L&E would like for their daughter, and last, what her
feelings were in the matter. She is
always putting others first. She is
without a doubt one of the most dedicated, sincere, and genuine people I have
ever met. I know it was meant to be that
we end up meeting through the birth of Baby Teacup and become forever friends
through the process.
To check out the services that Melissa offers through her business, please go to her FB page and 'like' it Anchored in Hope Facebook Page and her business website Anchored in Hope
To check out the services that Melissa offers through her business, please go to her FB page and 'like' it Anchored in Hope Facebook Page and her business website Anchored in Hope
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