But for now, some updates and some reflections about the labor, delivery and postpartum help I have had then some notes about how darling baby Aggy is doing as well as pumping milk for her!
With my past experiences with surrogacy, I was unsure how the delivery part would work. I knew that having 3 children of my own may limit the opportunity for my husband to be in the delivery room as well as knowing that Teacup's mummy and daddy having their attention on her as she emerged would leave me feeling vulnerable and maybe isolated after the birth happened. Prior to moving here, I started feeling out the idea of a doula. By the time I did get here, I posted that I was looking for a doula for this birth. Someone tagged Melissa with Anchored in Hope on the FB group and the rest was history.
Melissa was in her final stages of becoming a certified doula and did not need my birth for her certification but still agreed to take my delivery on as a learning experience to learn the dynamics of a surrogate pregnancy and the dynamics that surround multiple families in the labor and delivery room. Though it seems that the process is relatively cut and dry, she had to learn a lot of new terminology and take into consideration not only my wishes and desires but also the desires of the parents as well. This experience would be taken as a team approach. There were many many emails that went back and forth between all of us to perfect our birth wishes for myself, the parents and for teacup.
What I didn't know is that over the course of a few months, that Melissa would sneak into my life as more than just a support person during labor and delivery. I never anticipated that Melissa would be more than a seasonal friend, but would become a lifetime friend. I cannot describe the bond that we forged in the labor and delivery room. It was more than just the fact that she saw me raw and emotional, but she never left my side and she never complained when things got difficult. She worked so hard for my labor but more, she was there for every single second and I was her SOLE focus. It truly was incredible. I cannot even put into words how I feel about her support through the whole process!
Another shout out is to my friend and photographer Julie. (Julie Gayler Photography) When I first heard that Julie would be moving to the same base that I resided on, I might have audibly squealed in excitement. I have known Julie since the last duty station and I was so excited to bring her on our team to be able to show this beautiful story through photos. Bringing her on the team allowed me to get to know her in an even more intimate way and I was so happy to have two friends in the labor and delivery room with me. Just prior to labor, we were respectfully asked that Julie not take any pictures of Teacup after her birth for privacy reasons but it was important to me that my story get told and that I be able to show some of the raw emotions of delivery day. Julie never missed a beat and was happy to be there for me even though the plans had slightly changed.
Julie signed up to tell the story. She didn't realize that somewhere around midnight, she would actually join the story. After some really rough labor, Julie put her camera down and became Melissa's right hand. Together they supported me in a room with low lights, Casting Crowns Christmas music, an oil diffuser and just a calmness that I cannot explain. My husband had gone home to be with the kids, teacup's parents were sleeping in another room and it was just the 3 of us and the amazing nurse (Monica) that came and went.
These two ladies stayed even after being there for 24 hours to make sure I was well cared for emotionally and physically. They helped me to the bathroom when no one else was around. They folded chucks pads and brushed my hair. THIS is what all women should have during labor -- to feel so supported that you are on a high, even when the pain threatens to rip you open. The gratitude I feel for them can never be put into words. I cannot even begin to imagine what would have happened for the last 3 hours of labor if I did not have them. I would have lost it. They were all I had and they were also exactly what I needed. In the most intimate moment of a woman's life, these two women gained a small piece of my heart that I can never get back, nor do I want to.
Not only did I have the support of these ladies, there is something to say about a military community. Where there is a need, a military wife steps up and meets that need. While in the hospital, I actually had visitors! I have only had one visitor for Weston and one for Piper when I delivered them. But at the hospital, I had friends poking in and checking in on me for a couple minutes. They never stayed long but they popped in just to make sure I knew that I was being thought about. One of my fears that I had often spoke about with close friends was not about feeling a bond with the baby or feeling a loss, but rather feeling left behind essentially. I knew that the parents would be in their baby moon and after I deliver, I am pretty self-sufficient and don't require any attention from the nursing staff so I was afraid that I would sit there and think "What about me?" I was glad I thought about this in advance so it didn't take me by surprise if it happened. But it didn't happen because my friends reminded me through visits, text messages and FB messages and posts that they were proud of me and that they were thinking about me!
I had 2 friends stop by the hospital to say hi and one of them (Joanna) brought me a bag of goodies. In her bag of goodies, it had FOOD. Like real food. Not just junky stuff. She came by on the day I was to get discharged and brought me a yummy soft taco full of good stuff, a sandwich, bottle of water, and some other snack bars. We were supposed to be discharged at 12 so I didn't order lunch and didn't leave until 2 so having that food was exactly what I needed. She came and just sat and talked with me for a few minutes then left as quickly as she came. After I was discharged, my lovely photographer Julie offered to make dinner for me so as if she had not invested enough time and energy into me, she also made my family a dinner so I didn't have to focus on that. My MOPS ladies set up a meal train to cover food for the rest of the week so the lovely Colleen, Jessi and Renata are making me food. The support in a military community is staggering. Messages, kind words, listening ears, the offer to watch children overnight at a moments notice while they sleep -- all of it!! I love my fellow military spouses!
Now that I have poured my heart out about some of my favorite people in my life right now, its onto talking about pumping. Pumping has not come exactly easy this time. On the first day, I pumped 18ml. On day 2 and 3 I almost cried every time I picked up the pump. Maybe it was the hormones coming out of my system or the fact that I pumped for 4hours a day and for 24 hours, I didn't even get a drop. I was really freaked out thinking that it wasn't going to happen. They had to supplement Aggy with formula and it broke my heart that I was trying so hard and yet they still had to give formula. At this point in my pumping (5.5 days in), I have pumped for 21 hours 15 minutes for 48 sessions and pumped a total of 50 ounces (1,436ml). Baby Aggy is taking about 2.5 ounces per feeding every 2-3 hours so somewhere between 20-22 ounces a day. In the last 24 hours, I made 21 ounces. So finally, I am able to make close to what she needs. My stats are increasing with every pump, but getting up every 2-3 hours all day to pump for 20-30 minutes is exhausting! But Aggy is thriving. She was 8lbs11oz at birth and had only dropped to 8lbs6oz at discharge. Yesterday at 4 days old, she was back up to 8lbs9oz which is phenomenal. The acceptable amount lost by discharge from hospital is up to 10% which would have been 17 ounces -- she only dropped 5 ounces. Her parents are definitely meeting her needs with her feedings and care! She also got a clean bill of health with her check up to make sure everything was perfect and it was!
Also on Sunday, it was 3 days post birth and time to sign the paperwork. At that time, I decided to give the IPs their Christmas gift which was really just a giant monogrammed bag from Barefoot Keepsakes with a ton of random stuff in it. I wanted to give it early because some of the stuff in it might be useful for now!
They also gave me a beautiful gift and card but I will include that in my birth story because it is that special! Those hand written notes go straight to my heart every single time!!
But lastly, the paperwork is signed and on its way to the attorney to get court approval for the name change and to get a new birth certificate issued with their names on it. After that process is done (could take weeks with the holidays I imagine), then the birth certificate will be issued and then it is time to request a passport! Baby Teacup will have dual citizenship and I cannot imagine 2 better countries other than UK and US to have dual citizenship for!
So with that, I am closing with baby feet! Because who can resist two cute feet and ten tiny toes? I know that I cant!!
No comments:
Post a Comment